Desperate Housewives
A Weekend In The Country

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A Weekend In The Country

Down at the luxury spa of rabbits and corsages, John the Gardener -- who is wearing a blazer -- is bragging to Gabby that his "company" does the landscaping for this very hotel and, in fact, for the "whole Sinclair Hotel chain." Gabby is impressed, laughing, "When I met you, all you had was a bike." Not only that, but the "gardening channel" is talking to John about maybe "hosting [his] own show." The Gardening Channel: plant yourself in front of the television. No wait, The Gardening Channel: for dirt-diggers and insomniacs everywhere. Gabby guesses that she won't be able to talk John into coming around her place to "pick the dead leaves off [her] ficus." Which I'm hoping, praying, pleading is not a metaphor for her aging, unused sex parts? John chuckles and agrees that he's "past that" now. And anyway, wouldn't Gabby's husband object? (So I guess it wasn't a metaphor? Oh.) Gabby sadly informs John of her pending divorce. He smiles, she smiles. "Gabrielle," he says, trying to wrap this up, "it was really great to see you." Gabby is aroused by the fact that he's finally managed to stop calling her "Mrs. Solis." They lock into a kiss. No, is that a "flavor savor" I spy on John's lower lip? Ugh, landscaper, landscape thyself!

Nighttime. Snora and Lynette are riding in the car, Snora noisily cracking nuts and spitting the shells into a cup, just like in When Harry Met Sally, but with pistachios instead of sunflower seeds. Snora asks if she can put the full cup of shells into the glove box, which seems like a stupid idea. Lynette also thinks that it's a stupid idea to put spitty nut rinds into the glove compartment just loose like that, what the hell?, so Snora sullenly goes to dump them out the window, and they of course come flying back inside the car. Snora laughs. Lynette, with supreme irritation, snidely comments that, with luck, the shells will "soak up the cream soda" Snora spilled earlier. Snora complains that Lynette's "favorite game" is "picking on" Snora. Lynette, ready to kill, says that her favorite game is actually "counting all the things" she'd love to say to Snora but doesn't, "like 'Pipe down, you annoying nut job!'" Snora tosses a pistachio at Lynette and accuses her of thinking Snora's "crazy." Lynette, sarcastically: "No! You're colorful. Colorful in a way that might respond to medication." Snora engages in some calm-seeming talk about the "levels of crazy," and then, by way of illustrating one of the far extreme end of nuttiness, she grabs the steering wheel and yanks the car into oncoming traffic. Oh, Snora, Snora, Snora. Don't you know that you're supposed to be past the calculated edginess by the time high school is over? Lynette screams and yells and screams, "If you want to kill yourself, fine. But don't take me with you." Snora snarks that Lynette would probably be happy if Snora in fact did manage to bump herself off, and Lynette admits that if Snora did do something that drastic, Lynette would "find a way to carry on." It's a good line, both the way it's written and the way Felicity Huffman delivers it. Snora is not amused. The "Crazy Lady Gone Crazier" music swells, and Snora levels her eyes at Lynette and malevolently instructs her, in that calm, calm voice of the truly insane, to "pull over." They bicker and battle, but in the end, Lynette pulls over, and Snora waves down a truck. And the way she walks herself up into the truck is hilarious: her arms and head remain stationary while her legs climb up the truck's ladder, so she's able to stare back at Lynette with wrath and judgment until she's almost horizontal, and then she kicks feet first into the cab. Hard to describe, and yet...hilarious.

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Desperate Housewives

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