Desperate Housewives
Ah, But Underneath

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Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
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Ah, But Underneath

Cut to a flashback of Gabrielle and her husband, Carlos, frolicking in their living room. "I only saw her clothes from Paris," MAVO says. "And her platinum jewelry." Over this, Carlos drapes Gabrielle in jewels. "And her brand-new diamond watch." On this last example, Carlos walks away from poor Gabrielle, talking on his cell phone. Gabrielle looks sadly at her watch. Oh, poor Gabrielle. You should probably start sleeping with the gardener. "Had I looked closer, I would have seen Gabrielle was a drowning woman, desperately in search of a life raft. Luckily for her, she found one." Man, Mary Alice sure is yappy. You'd think the dead would be quieter. At this, Gabrielle gasps, sits up in her bathtub, and starts making out with Hot Gardener Miguel from Passions. MAVO explains that Gabrielle saw her relationship with Miguel as a way to "infuse her life with a little excitement." Works for me.

Outside Gabrielle's bathroom window, her husband Carlos pulls up in his silver Jag. "But now she was about to discover just how exciting her life could get," MAVO obviouses. Can I just watch this, Mary Alice? Thanks. Anyway, Miguel and Gabrielle are totally giggling and making out in their towels as, downstairs, Carlos gets out of his car and slams the door shut. Gabrielle gasps and looks out the window, and spies Carlos coming up the walk and checking the mail. "Damn it!" she swears, and grabs Miguel and drags him downstairs. "Come on, come on, come on, hurry," she says, pulling him through the living room. Miguel frantically begins gathering his clothing, which is strewn all over the living room carpet. "Where are the rest of my clothes?" he asks. Gabrielle assures him that she'll find them and tells him to just get out. "Where?" he asks. She looks around frantically. "Out the window," she says. "What?" Miguel gasps. Outside, Carlos is strolling up the walkway slower than any man ever strolled before. Gabrielle shoves her hot, towel-clad lover boy out the window. Miguel falls with a yelp, as his towel catches in a thorn and he makes most of his journey from the window to the ground totally bare-ass naked.

And just in time, because Carlos walks in the living room exactly as Miguel's bare feet clear the windowsill. "Hi honey, you're home early," Gabrielle gasps. Carlos explains that his meeting was cancelled. As he yaps, she glimpses Miguel's jeans lying on the sofa. "I thought you showered this morning," he adds. She explains, distractedly, that she just finished a workout. She oh-so-casually covers the jeans with a throw pillow. "Where's [Miguel]?" Carlos wonders. Gabrielle plays dumb until Carlos points out that Miguel's truck is parked outside. MAVO tells us that Gabrielle was panicking. If Carlos were to find out that Gabrielle was fucking their hot underage gardener, she was screwed. Or, you know, something like that. At this moment, Miguel pops up in the window wearing a plaid shirt and holding some garden shears. He cheerfully greets Carlos, who smiles back at him and inquires after the fichus. Miguel's teeth gleam as he promises to get right to it. "She was quickly reminded that what Carlos couldn't see…" MAVO begins. Cut to Miguel outside, clipping the rose bushes without any pants on, cute bare butt cheeks hanging out. "Couldn't hurt her," MAVO finishes, in an irritating chuckle that I suspect will make me want to kill her before the season is halfway over. Except for how she's already dead.

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Desperate Housewives

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