(He leaves -- and I'm not making this part up -- with a photo of Chuck & Pete so that he can masturbate himself to orgasm while looking at it. This goddamn show.)
Instructor: "[Boilerplate safety lesson.]"
Gabi: "[Wiseacre remark.]"
Instructor: "...[Boilerplate safety lesson.]"
Gabi: "[Wiseacre remark. Quickly losing popularity with fellow students.]"
Instructor: "You're here for protection? Got a Sombrero Lurker?"
Instructor: "Are you capable of pulling the trigger and shooting a person?"
Gabi: "Yes. Wait, I mean no."
Instructor: "The Second Amendment not only guarantees the right of citizens to carry guns [psst, it doesn't] but also means that you must shoot people whenever possible [psst, not really]. Get out of my class."
Instructor: "A gun in the hands of someone who is afraid to use it is the most dangerous weapon in the world."
Yeah, second only to a gun in the hands of someone who's not afraid to use it.
PAUL'S LATEST GETAWAY
Paul: "Sorry I pushed you around and crapped out my guts on your kitchen, but I was being poisoned."
Susan: "I just wish we were friends."
Paul: "I guess we are. But I have to leave town."
Susan: "But you just got here! And caused a riot! And ruined my life eighteen times in a row! Please do not leave."
Paul: "Susan, I have been the Number One Creepy Person on this show since the first season. I get that you have ADD and we're friends now -- and thanks -- but nobody on Wisteria Lane will ever like me as much as you, because nobody on Wisteria Lane will ever be as dumb as you. That is just a plain fact."
With some foreshadowy talk about how the past will always catch up with you -- Oh yeah, that's right: Susan still doesn't know about the actual Martha Huber truth -- Paul gives her the keys to the house and a bunch more money and they are super sweet with each other and then he packs his car and stands around looking wistful and sexy and then bam: Conked on the head. Possibly with Beth's urn.
MANHOLES & PROFITEROLES