Desperate Housewives
And Lots Of Security…

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
A Visit From The Goon Hand

It is creepy to be on Susan's side, especially for this long of a stretch, but maybe that was the point of this little exercise in kidney deformation. Nonetheless, as Mary Alice was saying the following, in her smug way, I felt myself getting a little offended. (This feeling will quickly go away, I just thought it was worth noting.)

Mary Alice: "Susan Delfino had always played by the rules. She obeyed every label [hackneyed joke about not cutting off cushion tags that still manages to land because of her hilarious expression and the generalized cartooniness], she performed her civic duty [some kind of grownup activity I didn't quite understand], she respected all legal boundaries [Please Do Not Walk On Grass]. So when she was questioned about the poisoning of Paul Young... Susan was more than a little upset."

Susan: "Why should I tell my investigating officer something secret like my name or age? I'd better lie about my age. That's what stupid women do, in this parallel universe."
Dude: "Right, Susan Delfino. I have a post-it on this file that says you'll act like a goon this whole time."

They discuss, circuitously, in a way that both exposits and makes fun of that exposition, what has brought us here: She was accidentally poisoning Paul Young and then the PTA, and at some point yes -- I wasn't sure about this -- realized it was Felicia doing it.

Dude: "But you totally hate Paul Young."
Susan: "No. Not hating Paul Young is the finest thing anyone on this show has ever done. Especially me. Apparently not being a selfish monster comes with Beth's kidney. I wish everybody could have some of her kidney and then this show wouldn't be so gross."
Mary Alice: "...And so, she must be punished. Harshly."


Lynette: "God, I hate you."
Tom: "I hate you too. Just... So very much."
Lynette: "Let's go lock ourselves in a quaint B&B until we end up murdering each other."
Tom: "I can only hope a fresh-faced young couple will be there and we can ruin their marriage too."
Lynette: "That is exactly what this show would do."


Dreamy Detective Chuck Vance: "I have to leave now that you've cooked me dinner, because I can't do any adultering."
Bree: "As a Christian, I don't see why cheating on your wife would be a problem."
Detective Chuck Vance: "What an amusing reversal of expectations and/or total hypocrisy on your part. Luckily, there's more to the story -- as we'll learn -- so your gross lack of respect for the sacrament of matrimony will actually be validated."
Bree: "That's the funny thing about the horrific abortion that is my religious life. It's always validated by the even more fucked-up morals of this show."Belabored but cutely rendered boner joke.

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Desperate Housewives




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