GROCERY STORE OF DOOM
Gabrielle, buying food she will never cook, is haunted by a Sombrero. She runs all through the store like a crazy person and eventually ends up in the security office, where it's kind of awesome:
Security Dude: "You say someone took your pocketbook, but isn't that your pocketbook?"
Gabi: "This is my purse. Men."
Security Dude: "Sorry. I do the same thing to my wife. I say 'nice shirt,' she says 'it's a blouse'; I say, 'I like your trousers,' she says..."
Gabi: "OMG! Enhance image!"
Security Dude: "Sure, because I can do that."
It is her dead stepfather Alejandro, clearly, and he is not dead, clearly. She heads immediately to gun class and graduates with one hundred A plusses in murdering.
BARFBAG & BROKEBACK HIT THE SKIDS
Lynette: "I am a grasping harpy!"
Tom: "I am a childish, broken idiot!"
Lovely B&B Couple: Spinning chairs, zooming sound, papers floating slowly down.
Lynette & Tom: "But Lovely Couple! Come spend some time with us! We're so much fucking fun to be around!"
Lovely B&B Couple: "You know what, we've had it. You two are the grossest things we've ever seen in life, and we know you're just using us to prolong the magic before the inevitable murder-suicide. Well, listen to this. We don't care if you kill each other. In fact, if we were a part of it they would probably make a statue in our honor just for saving the idea of marriage from extinction. Whatever sick bullshit you guys are into, leave us out of it. We've done our civic duty, and it's managed to make us question our own relationship. We're getting out while we still believe in love."
LATER; AND BTW SO WELL-ACTED THAT IT MAKES YOUR TUMMY HURT
Tom: "I can't believe you chased off that nice couple."
Lynette: "I can't believe you don't want to fuck me right now."
Tom: "Are you saying you want to..."
Lynette: "No, I want you to want to so I can shut you down. I want things back the way they were."
Tom: "I long for death."
Lynette: "You're not even trying! I'm trying to meet you zero percent of the way."
Tom, producing the most grotesquely huge diamond you've ever seen: "How about this vulgar demonstration of wealth that means nothing?"
Lynette: "You had my engagement ring reset, just like you promised back when we were in love and you were fucking Renee?"
Tom: "Because that's how gross people express their feelings, I bought you this. Please don't be ungrateful or crude about it..."
Lynette: "-- I liked it better before."