Desperate Housewives
And Lots Of Security…

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
A Visit From The Goon Hand

But it's a compelling argument nonetheless, so he does stop murdering Felicia, which means that Susan has made him a real person just like Beauty & The Beast, which is the one good thing this season's had going on the whole time. Felicia escapes somehow -- just runs the hell out the house as the cops are driving up -- and Paul explains to Susan that, while yes he is not a murderer-of-Felicia, he was once a murderer-of-Martha, and thus her faith in him is slightly misplaced. (Wrong; that's not how it works, but in terms of his redemption he needs to think this.) Anyway, he offers himself to the cops and gets total redemption, which is actually quite wonderful to see.

Paul: "Officers, I have a confession to make. My wife stole a baby from a drug addict and then stabbed her to death and then got blackmailed until she blew her own head off, so I kind of lost it on her blackmailer, who was a terrible woman. The rest of the things, I didn't do. But that one thing is pretty major."


Felicia: "Oh, Beth's Ashes. I'm so glad we got away scot-free."
Beth's Ashes: "Bitch, this is all your fault. What's this 'we' bullshit?"
ibid., immediately: Comes open in the car, flying all around in a cloud of Beth.
Felicia: Drives into an oncoming eighteen-wheeler, amazingly.


Susan: The hero of this episode in every single way. Still weirded by that.
Paul: Will be missed.
Felicia: In a different way, but ditto.

Gabrielle: Has spent all season dealing with her abuse and is now armed and prepared to fight the Boss at the end of the level. Just thinking about this is inordinately satisfying, honestly, for a lot of us. Not pretty, but there it is.

Bree: Got to third base using gay panic, like short-sighted self-hating asshole women have done forever. Ew, and there's this gross thing where Mary Alice tries to bring the title concept around to somehow link Gabi getting a gun with Bree getting a married man to touch her boobs, like, she actually equates those things in her gross little singsong, getting your vanity stroked and being willing to kill a man so that he won't assault you. Fuckin' Mary Alice, man.

Renee: Where are you?

Tom: The sad state of the American male is not this bad, you guys.
Lynette: Still to blame for the riot, by the way. And all things wretched.

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Desperate Housewives




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