Bree's cookbook success has almost everyone in a dither this week. First, her friends are all jealous (and matters aren't helped when she includes a "personal" note in each of the other ladies' copies of her cookbook that calls that woman "the sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever known"). Then, Orson wants to come work for her since no one will hire him now that he's a criminal. And, finally, Katherine's all sort of angry: jealous about Bree's success, and not at all okay with Orson joining the company. So Bree tells him to wait it out, but after he sleeps in the guest room for a few nights, she offers him a white flag in the form of a chef's hat. Screw Katherine, apparently. She threw Bree's cookbook out with the trash anyway.
Lynette's jealous, too, and tries to catch a ride on the Bree success train by taking over the cookbook marketing campaign without being asked. She tries to get Bree to change course now that the book's all ready to go and the marketing campaign has begun, but Bree tells her she's happy with what she's got. When they all show up to support Bree's Bussinesswoman of the Year award at the Chamber of Commerce banquet, Lynette meets Bree's marketing guy, who happens to be Lynette's former assistant. Lynette gets good and drunk, confronts Bree, and gets good and kicked out. She takes the emergency exit door, to be sure to cause a scene. She apologizes later, and Felicity Huffman once again shows us why she won that Emmy, as Lynette explains her jealousy and ends up looking all vulnerable and sweet, even while making Bree seem a little bit more human.
It looks like Creepy Dave is interested in Mike. This is not a huge leap, considering he first yells at Tom, who's trying to find a guitarist who's not Mike since Mike's too busy. Then he yells at Edie when she tries to talk about anything but Mike. He ends up creating a plumbing problem that he calls Mike over to fix. When Mike says he can't join the band because he lives a half-hour away, Creepy Dave buys Mary Alice's old house and rents it to Mike at a charitable price. Oh, and he won't let Edie tell Mike who the landlords are. So, yeah, either Creepy Dave's mystery has something to do with Mike or he just really wants to have that neighborhood garage band.
This works out for Mike, though, because he's been jealous that MJ is getting so close to Jackson. So close, in fact, that MJ draws Jackson and his mommy in his family portrait at school. Mike's in the picture, too, but he's so tiny he looks like a bug, because he's always far away, as MJ tells him. Mike buys him a bike to try to butter him up, but then Jackson accidentally teaches him to ride it before Mike has a chance to. Jackson tells Susan he couldn't resist, because MJ said "Pweeeeese," and Gale Harold's delivery of that word made me swoon -- and then cry, because he's still in the hospital after his motorcycle accident; but it's looking like all will be well, so ... phew! So Susan asks MJ to pretend he doesn't know how to ride yet by falling down. MJ doesn't want to do this, but he does. And then he ends up injured and spills everything to the doctor, who rats out Susan. Mike and Susan end up sad about what it means to be divorced parents. So, the moving in to Mary Alice's house is a big win for Mike as a father.
Gaby shows up for Bree's events, but otherwise has a plot so far removed from the central storylines that it's probably a G or H plot, while the A and B plots are the Dave and Bree stuff. Gaby's dealing with her sex life (or lack thereof). She is sick of squeezing in sex late at night after the girls are asleep, so she finds a weekly playdate for Juanita (it's not clear why Juanita's the only one she has to deal with, but I think we're not supposed to notice) so that she and Carlos can have two hours for "sex and a nap." She wants to try blind sex like Carlos has, so she does, and she loves it. Turns out two blind parents shouldn't have sex, though, because Juanita is standing there when Gaby removes her blindfold (so much for their other senses being heightened, since they didn't even hear Juanita walk in slurping on her juice box until way too late). Hijinks ensue, as they first lie to her (they were "wrestling") then tell her the truth (off screen). She immediately tells her new playdate friend, who starts using words like "sperm" and "intercourse" so they get uninvited from their sex-giving playdate. They head over to explain the situation -- why they had to tell Juanita. The parents seem to understand, until Carlos inadvertently tells their daughter there's no Santa Claus. And then that story line is quickly dropped. THANK GOD. If they can't find something for Gaby and Carlos to do that actually matters to the rest of the show ... well, I'm sure they can. They're just not trying hard enough.
Come back Tuesday for our detailed weecap. Until then, see what the stars did before they landed on this show.
Previously: Orson felt rejected when Bree Van de Kamp didn't mention her living husband. Tom wanted a garage band with Creepy Dave, who had rage issues and a mysterious doctor. Mrs. McCluskey questioned Edie about him. And Susan introduced Mike to her new boyfriend, Jackson.
We pick up in a kindergarten classroom where a teacher named Ms. Eleanora Butters (maybe she should have a cookbook) displays pictures her students have drawn of their families. They're all very traumatic, what with kids drawing their parents' poor hygiene a la Pig-Pen, or drawing their mothers vacuuming in their bras. Mike's and Susan's appears to be less traumatic, since it just looks like some regular people standing by a house. Mom, dad, child. But then we find out the "dad" in the picture is actually Jackson, and Mike's that tiny little bug-looking thing back by the tree. MJ says it's because he's always so far away. Mary Alice explains that Ms. Butters is basically a masochist: She does this assignment every year even though it always goes badly.
Susan, Lynette, Gaby, and Katherine all show up to congratulate Bree on her cookbook success. But Mary Alice explains they're all envious of everything about Bree's life: her well-kept home, her good food, her material things. Then she presents them each with an advanced copy of her cookbook (all with the same inscription, in which she calls them each "the sweetest, most wonderful friend"). Orson comes downstairs and leaves for work (this will be important later). Then Bree shows the ladies the advertisement that will run in Woman's Day. Gaby thinks this is terrible. She doesn't want Bree getting famous and forgetting them. Katherine snottily says Bree will never change, but implies she's already stuck-up and full of herself. Gaby's sure Bree will be famous, since she has a marketing plan. She pulls her own "marketing plan" out of her pocket. It says, "bread, milk, vodka, condoms." You know, all the staples. Lynette asks to read Bree's plan, since she used to be in marketing. Bree would love to hear her thoughts. Bree insists she's not fabulous, but then Andrew calls to tell her the Chamber of Commerce named her Businesswoman of the Year. She turns to tell her friends, but realizes she can't tell those jealous bitches. Or something like that, since she pretends what she's so excited about is the dry cleaner finding her sweater. Sadly, Bree probably would actually be that excited about a found sweater, so the ladies probably bought it.