Desperate Housewives

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Desperate Housewives... and Gaby, too!

Previously: Orson felt rejected when Bree Van de Kamp didn't mention her living husband. Tom wanted a garage band with Creepy Dave, who had rage issues and a mysterious doctor. Mrs. McCluskey questioned Edie about him. And Susan introduced Mike to her new boyfriend, Jackson.

We pick up in a kindergarten classroom where a teacher named Ms. Eleanora Butters (maybe she should have a cookbook) displays pictures her students have drawn of their families. They're all very traumatic, what with kids drawing their parents' poor hygiene a la Pig-Pen, or drawing their mothers vacuuming in their bras. Mike's and Susan's appears to be less traumatic, since it just looks like some regular people standing by a house. Mom, dad, child. But then we find out the "dad" in the picture is actually Jackson, and Mike's that tiny little bug-looking thing back by the tree. MJ says it's because he's always so far away. Mary Alice explains that Ms. Butters is basically a masochist: She does this assignment every year even though it always goes badly.

Susan, Lynette, Gaby, and Katherine all show up to congratulate Bree on her cookbook success. But Mary Alice explains they're all envious of everything about Bree's life: her well-kept home, her good food, her material things. Then she presents them each with an advanced copy of her cookbook (all with the same inscription, in which she calls them each "the sweetest, most wonderful friend"). Orson comes downstairs and leaves for work (this will be important later). Then Bree shows the ladies the advertisement that will run in Woman's Day. Gaby thinks this is terrible. She doesn't want Bree getting famous and forgetting them. Katherine snottily says Bree will never change, but implies she's already stuck-up and full of herself. Gaby's sure Bree will be famous, since she has a marketing plan. She pulls her own "marketing plan" out of her pocket. It says, "bread, milk, vodka, condoms." You know, all the staples. Lynette asks to read Bree's plan, since she used to be in marketing. Bree would love to hear her thoughts. Bree insists she's not fabulous, but then Andrew calls to tell her the Chamber of Commerce named her Businesswoman of the Year. She turns to tell her friends, but realizes she can't tell those jealous bitches. Or something like that, since she pretends what she's so excited about is the dry cleaner finding her sweater. Sadly, Bree probably would actually be that excited about a found sweater, so the ladies probably bought it.

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Desperate Housewives

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