Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: C | Grade It Now!
Desperate Housewives... and Gaby, too!

Bree calls Orson on his cell from her car. She wants to share her great news over lunch, so she's on her way to his office. Since he's sitting on a park bench, he tells her not to come, because he's in a "meeting." It's urgent and high-level, and will take hours. Just then a park band starts playing loudly. Bree's confused about what sort of meeting would have a Caribbean steel drummer. Orson tries to play it off like someone turned on the radio as he slinks away, but Bree can hear the music outside, too, so she pulls over and catches him in the park.

Mike gets MJ a bike to bribe him into loving him as much as he loves Jackson. Susan calls him out on it, but he's like, "Can't a guy get his kid a bike without being psychoanalyzed?" On this show? Not really. He says he's fine with the picture. He's glad Susan's dating a nice guy like Jackson who likes MJ. Just then, Jackson pulls up and MJ excitedly shows his bike. Mike walks off, telling Susan to make sure to remind MJ how cool the bike is. He says something about "titanium" and "custom," but all I heard was, "My manhood is threatened by this hot painter." Oh, and Mike doesn't have time to teach MJ to ride the bike yet, but he says he will later. [Then why not simply give him the bike later? Idiot! - Zach]

Gaby and Carlos are zoning out in front of the TV, when Juanita asks if her "friend" Bethany can please go home now. Gaby says no, telling her to go play. Juanita doesn't like that all Bethany does is spin, but Gaby tells her to "suck it up and spin." When Juanita leaves -- presumably to go spin -- Gaby explains to Carlos that Bethany is their key to more sex. Bethany's mom hosts a weekly, two-hour playdate, see? And two hours a week would mean sex and a nap, a far cry from their current late-night, exhausted attempts at sex. She does explain that Celia's in "afternoon preschool," which I missed the first time I watched. Obviously, this doesn't mean Celia actually matters, since so far every storyline involving a Solis child has been about Juanita, but at least they mentioned her; small victories, Celia. So, all they have to do is find a place to unload Juanita and they can have sex again. Gaby explains to Carlos that "shopping, sex, drinking in the afternoon -- playdates make all these things possible." Carlos is sold, and hollers at Juanita to please spin.

Bree and Orson are still in the park. Apparently, Orson lost his job three weeks ago, when his work found out he lied about his criminal record on his application. Bree's not angry, but she's hurt he wouldn't tell her this for three weeks. He's embarrassed that he went from being the breadwinner to a felon who can't hold a job. She says they're partners, so her success is also his. He asks what her good news was, and she says they've been named Businesswoman of the Year. I'm not sure why this is a big, bad, awkward thing, but both Orson and Bree both look weird and unhappy. Though I'm not sure they ever look any other way, honestly. Collectively, they always look like they've just eaten a lemon: sour and cranky and about to explode. But they never do because they are both these calm, passive-aggressive types that will probably end up dead in a murder-suicide one day. Although, which one would finally break and do the killing is beyond me.

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Desperate Housewives




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