Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: C | Grade It Now!
Desperate Housewives... and Gaby, too!

Meanwhile, Lynette's showing Bree the marketing campaign she's planned for her cookbook. It's all about jazzy colors, bold fonts, and nostalgia, but Bree's not interested. [Probably because Lynette's entire campaign is garishly ugly. - Z] She's happy with what she has, thank you very much. Lynette tries persuading Bree by insulting her, saying she knows more about marketing than Bree, and then adds that she used to "own" marketing in this town and was even Businesswoman of the Year. Bree takes this opportunity to share her news that she's this year's recipient. Lynette looks less than thrilled, but Bree pretends not to notice and invites Lynette to the luncheon.

In the hospital waiting room, Mike feels guilty. Susan tells him it's just a sprain and they should blame the pavement, not themselves. MJ comes out with the doctor, who knows that MJ fell on purpose. (Damn honest kid!) Mike can't believe Susan would do that. She reminds him to be mad at the pavement, and then admits Jackson taught him how to ride it. Mike's pissed at Jackson, but Susan points out that you can't give a 5-year-old a bike and expect him to wait to ride it until you have time. [Exactly! - Z] They bond over how sad they both are about the divorce, because it means that sometimes you don't get to be there for those big moments. They both miss things when MJ's with the other parent. But Susan says they have to come to terms with their guilt about missing these things, because there's no other option.

Creepy Dave storms into the house and asks Edie if Mike called. She ignores the fact that he's practically foaming at the mouth, and tells him she'd like to buy Mary Alice's old house, since they could get it cheap if she mentions that Mary Alice killed herself there. Creepy Dave's not interested in being a landlord. As they're having this conversation with their backs to each other he is opening a new drum and his hand's starting to shake. He's also looking downright scary. Neal McDonough is so good, because he can act like simpering Bruce Banner, but here you can really see him turning into the Hulk. He turns and screams, "Dammit, Edie, I said no!" She's shocked, because he's always been so medicated and mellow up until now. Speaking of meds, he runs upstairs and rifles through a whole bunch of them that he had hidden in a briefcase under the bed, and pops some pills. Clearly someone's not been following the doctor's orders.

Gaby shows up at Bethany's to pick up Juanita [So this is a week later? - Z], and Bethany greets her at the door with "Boys have sperm." Bethany's mom is less than thrilled about all of the terminology they shared with Juanita, who passed it right along to Bethany. And, really, the girl is four. Does she need to know what sperm is? Just give her a simple lesson about sex and call it good. No reason to explain the baby-making process, since the "condom" part of Gaby's marketing plan makes it pretty clear they're not trying for another pregnancy. Later, Gaby's telling Carlos that Juanita's kicked out of the playdate because of her knowledge of the facts of life. Carlos asks if Gaby explained why they had to do it, but Gaby didn't get a chance. Carlos guesses it's back to ten minutes of grope and snore at midnight, but Gaby says no; if Juanita doesn't get her playdate, he's not getting his. He says he'll fix it, but doesn't know why it's a big deal to Peggy. Right then, Celia runs up and yells "Sperm!" at her mom and dad, and Gaby tells Juanita to stop talking to her sister. If the Chamber of Commerce gave a Mother of the Year award, Susan and Gaby would certainly be vying for that trophy this episode.

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Desperate Housewives




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