Holy shit, you guys. So okay, first the boring stuff: Carlos uses a recording of his sex session with Gabby to get a bigger settlement out of the divorce; now Gabby gets nothing but the house, while Carlos gets every item within the house and he no longer has to pay alimony. To retaliate, Gabby starts breaking everything that now belongs to Carlos. Carlos fights back by bashing in the walls of the house. Meanwhile, Snora retaliates for Lynette's threats from last week by announcing that she and Kayla are moving to Mexico, so Tom and Lynette sue for custody of Kayla. Bree confronts Orson with those photos of abused Alma that Jackie gave her. Orson explains that it was self-defense: apparently, Alma came at him with saucepan or something? Yeah, I don't know. Annoyed at being manipulated into doubting Orson once again, Bree spitefully tells Jackie about how Harv(Gar)y cheated on her with a woman named Monique. And now here's where things start to go completely insane. Jackie loses it and shows up at the grocery store where HarvGar works and starts shooting up the place. When HarvGar holes up inside the manager's office, Jackie takes the whole store hostage and half of Wisteria Lane is caught in the crossfire. Lynette and "Art," the new neighbor who just moved into the Young's old house, are there to do some shopping. Snora is there to bitch at Lynette about the custody suit. Julie and Austin are there because even though they arrived separately, they're being detained together after idiot Austin tried to steal a bottle of booze by slipping it into Julie's bag. Edie is there because she got called down to deal with Austin. Susan was there to deal with Julie, but she briefly went outside to instruct Ian to leave for Paris without her because she had to stay in Fairview to focus on what she perceived to be Julie's sudden rebellion (even though Julie is totally innocent). Once shit starts to go down, HarvGar calls the police, and soon the there are cop cars and news vans everywhere. Hilarity ensues when Susan tries to bargain her way back into the market with a stolen police bullhorn. Back on Wisteria Lane, all of the neighborhood has gathered at Bree's to watch the news about the hostage crisis. Bree deals with the guilt she feels over her role in making Jackie snap by whipping up incredible amounts of food for all her guests. News reports about Jackie's behavior make Gabby reevaluate what she's become (a similarly jealous monster), and she and Carlos vow to stop being awful. Finally, finally, finally. Back at the super-crazy supermarket, the whole hostage crisis comes to a head when Snora and Lynette again start to bicker about the custody thing and the Tom-seduction thing. Jackie perceives that Snora is an attempted husband-stealer just like Monique, and Jackie hauls off and shoots Snora in the chest, leaving an entire viewing audience scrambling to scrape their jaws off their floors. Snora dies, and Lynette rants at Jackie. Jackie goes to shoot Lynette but Art throws a can of food at Jackie's head and the bullet goes astray and hits Lynette in the shoulder instead. Austin jumps on Jackie and wrestles with her while some random woman shoots Jackie in the head. And that's why they call it "Bang." Wow.