Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: A | 1208 USERS: B-
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Bang

Jackie, sitting at home and deep into a bottle of wine, calls Harve(Gar)y. He's working at the same grocery store where Austin and Julie are now. In fact, as we discover later, he's the owner of the store. It must not be a very profitable store, if Jackie has to help make things meet with her job as a bank teller, which must be mortifying in this town of clubby, non-working housewives? So Jackie calls her husband and confronts Harve(Gar)y about Monique, and he lamely tells her that Monique isn't really a concern anymore: she disappeared eight months ago, and now she's dead, so clearly the affair isn't going anywhere. Jackie sourly notes that eight months ago was when he slipped into a big depression, and now she knows the reason for it. Then Jackie asks that deadly "what if" question: "Who would you be with [if Monique weren't dead], me or her?" Harve(Gar)y, after a long, lame pause, just repeats, "She's dead." In the foreground, we see Julie and Austin in line at a checkout stand. Julie digs into her backpack for her wallet and Austin's booze comes clinking out. Austin: "You couldn't keep your wallet in your pants?" What girl keeps a wallet in her pants? Especially when she's got a bag with her? Austin is a remorseless idiot. The checkout lady calls Harve(Gar)y over to deal with thieving Austin and Julie, and he hangs up on Jackie. Jackie walks over to a drawer and gets out a gun.

The three Scavo Ps form a cheerleading tower out on the Scavo front lawn, but Lynette's too busy to look: she has a date with the grocery store. And destiny.

Edie is in the midst of jogging -- and wearing an amazing pair of white short-shorts -- and gets a phone call: it's the grocery store, they need her to come down and deal with her shoplifting nephew.

Behind Edie, we see Ian getting out of a limo. He's there to pick up Susan, who's still packing for their flight. Ian urges her to get a move on; their flight leaves in two hours. Susan's just waiting for Julie to get back from the store with her toothpaste. I'm pretty sure they have toothpaste in France. Also, Ian reports that he has a tube of his own that she can use, and floss. She gives him a look and he makes a joke about everyone being so surprised when they meet an Englishman who loves to brush. They do a whole scene where Susan sits on her bag and Ian tries to get it zipped. He asks her what all she's bringing, seeing as they're "not emigrating." But Susan needs accessories! Ian offers to buy Susan whatever she needs while they're in Paris, seeing as he has an "expense account." I'm not sure how you explain expenses like "ladies shoes" and "tampons" on an expense report, but okay. Energized by the idea of spending all of Ian's money on Parisian accessories, Susan leaps off her suitcase and starts unpacking. Susan, by the way, is wearing a very pretty black little dress with lots of quirky folds and ventilation triangles; perfect for a nice dinner, though entirely less than ideal for an international flight. Didn't Susan learn anything from the High Flying Fashion episode of Project Runway? The phone rings: it's the grocery store, she needs to come down and deal with Julie.

Desperate Housewives

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