Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: A | 4 USERS: A+

And then Jackie just shoots Snora right in the heart.

It is so abrupt, so wildly unexpected, the first time I saw this, I just squealed like a little pig, a pig that had just been violently goosed. Holy shit! Really, that's all you can say about this scene, just...holy shit. Shitty-shitty shit-shit! The hostages scream. Edie, watching the whole thing on the monitor from inside the office, gasps. The crowd out in the parking lot murmurs.

Can someone just clear this up for me? I'm still trying to figure out why they called this episode "Bang." Anyone?

Inside. Lynette, shaking and weeping, tries to help Snora, somehow, anyhow. She reaches out to put her hands over the wound, but then she jerks them away. Yeah, I'm guessing it'd be pretty difficult, as someone not trained in the medicinal arts, to know what to do with a heart wound. I mean, it's not like you can apply a tourniquet or try to elevate a limb or anything. Jackie, who seems to have turned some horrible corner and become a deadly ice person, says to Lynette, "I believe the phrase you were looking for is 'thank you.'" Lynette stares at Jackie in horror.

Outside. Susan stands there, panicked in the wake of the scary sound of that shot. She's looking vacant and slightly crazy in her little dress. Just then, Ian pulls up in his stretch limo; he saw the story about the hostage situation on the news at the airport. (The airport being a favorite spot for catching local news, apparently.) Susan leaps into his arms, weeping: "The last thing I said to her was that she disappointed me!" Despite myself, I feel the first faint tendrils of a big weep coming on. It's probably just the shock. I know it's not quite as startling just reading about it here, but please believe me when I tell you, that Jackie shooting Snora thing, it was truly shocking. BANG! Like that.

Back at Bree's. The newscaster announces that a female hostage has been shot. All the Wisterians gasp, and Danielle even goes so far as to do a sort of Blanche DuBois décolletage pat. Joy Lauren is a great, great actress. The Ps come down from upstairs to ask, "When is mommy's going to back from the store?" Wait a second, these people have left the kids upstairs? By themselves? What?! Bree hustles them past the doom-crammed television and into the kitchen for some cookies.

Mayhem Market. Lynette has a wad of paper towels packed down on Snora's chest, and she's begging Jackie to let them call an ambulance, but Ice Jackie just says, "No one's leaving." Snora, with "looming death" voice: "Well, I guess the good news is that you won't need that lawyer now." Lynette, in total adrenaline-crazy-pumped-weepy-freak-down mode, tries to lie that Snora's going to be JUST FINE! Snora, struggling now, says to Lynette, "Listen, about Kayla..." Lynette brusquely tells her to "forget it;" together, they'll all "work that out later." Snora: "I don't have later, you stupid bitch." Aw. And now for the death speech: "Kayla was the only good thing that I've ever done, in my whole life. I need you to really take really good care of her, okay?" Lynette doesn't answer immediately, so Snora says, "I don't have all day, come on." Lynette bursts out with a stream of "okays" and "yes"s and "I will"s. (And by the way, I'm totally crying as I type this, it's really sad! And the sadness is so unexpected, considering how grating I found this character to be! It's the shock, I tell you. And my weak eyes. And my lady parts. And maybe the booze.) Right in the middle of Lynette's litany of assurances, Snora's head just slips back and that's it. She's dead. Holy fucking shit!

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Desperate Housewives




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