Desperate Housewives
Beautiful Girls

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Beautiful Girls
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: just the stuff we learned last week: Art is a maybe pedophile, the fuzz is searching high and low for Mike's toolbox, et cetera.

Susan and Ian are heading home after a nice dinner. Susan looks very now and wow in her little black dress paired with spiky silver heels. They're debating where to consummate this date: Susan's house, the wreck she neglected to clean, or Ian's mansion? As they muse, Susan accidentally steps out of her shoe, and Ian chivalrously crouches down to Cinderella it back onto her foot, Prince Charming-style. Ian, standing: "Well, we can't have you sleeping in squalor. My place it is." Animated bluebirds and hearts swirl around Susan's happy head.

Back at his place, Ian escorts Susan out of his car and she looks up at his obscenely gigantic mansion, which I swear I've seen used in one those "You can never be too rich or too thin" dorm wall posters. MAVO tells us that "Susan realized that her life had become a fairy tale. And since her prince had welcomed her into his castle, she felt the least she could do was thank him. Again. And again." Inside the door, Susan tackles Ian. They skip up the stairs, but halfway up, she tackles him again. And then they're rolling around on his huge canopied bed.

The next morning. Susan is naked in Ian's bed, alone. You know...based on all the dust Susan kicked up last week about the very idea of Julie and Austin relating sexually, you'd think she'd be more concerned about leaving Julie alone in the house, what with all that bare-chest meat just a whistle away? But Susan has never been big on personal continuity, what with her mind sweeping clean every four seconds. Keep swimming, just keep swimming! Then again, maybe this is Julie's weekend at Karl's? Anyway: behind Susan, a man clears his throat. Susan smiles and stretches cattishly, and then turns over and gives the butler a full frontal, muttering something about how they'll have to "make it a quickie." The wry, unflappable butler introduces himself as Rupert, employee of "Mr. Hainsworth," and then he tacks on a bitchy "That would be the man you slept with, in case names weren't exchanged." (Rupert, incidentally, is played by Ian Abercrombie. As in Abercrombie and Felch? No, as in "Smithee" in Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.) Susan draws the first cringe of the night by introducing herself as Rupert's "boss's girlfriend; surely he mentioned [her]?" But no. Ian hasn't said a word about Susan to his longtime employee.

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Desperate Housewives

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