Desperate Housewives
Beautiful Girls

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Beautiful Girls

Hodge House, family dinner. The perfect time for me to take a momentary pause to get some leftover stuffing and pumpkin pie stuffed in me. Ah, a bowl full of cold stuffing and pie, consumed just as dawn makes its cool, quiet entrance. Turns out there's really nothing like it. Back in Fairview, Bree is concerned that Gloria is skipping yet another meal. Orson urges her to enjoy the Gloria-less silence, but Bree feels that Gloria "deserves some compassion: the woman watched her dream die yesterday." Danielle: "We all did." Bree -- whose Gloria concern is truly beginning to grate -- decides that she'll bring Gloria her dinner upstairs. Since Gloria's dinner appears to consist of nothing but baby carrots and a white blob of something -- fish, maybe? grits? -- I'm sure she's going to be just thrilled. But before Bree can leave the table, Andrew springs into action: he'll take the plate up to Gloria. Bree, suspicious, follows him up to find that Gloria is totally drunk: she paid Andrew to smuggle her a bottle of wine. Andrew tries to play it like he did it out of sympathy, but drunk Gloria, who's getting more Albee by the second, slurs that Andrew charged her $20 for the wine, and another $5 for the corkscrew. Andrew to Gloria: "You can kiss that codeine goodbye." Welcome back, edgy Andrew! We were wondering how long it would take for you to reappear.

Andrew leaves, and Orson comes in and starts blowharding that Gloria needs to live by the house "rules" if she wants to stay there. Versus what? Going back to the home, I guess, since she's not getting a house? Gloria: "I don't obey rules, I make them." Orson: "Not anymore." Gloria: "Just watch yourself, sonny-boy." Bree tries to step in, but that only drives Gloria crazier. She lights a cigarette and lets fly with this little tidbit: Orson cheated on his first wife with the stewardess, Monique! The same woman who slept with his friend, Harv(Gar)y, and possibly Mike. Orson desperately tries to get the situation back under control, but he only comes off looking like a panicked, petulant little boy. "See?" he pleads with Bree. "I told you she would do this!" Gloria -- who is a total shrew that I'm beginning to think can't get off this show fast enough -- gloats that Orson didn't even know that "his whore was cheating on him!" With that, Orson snaps: he grabs his mother by the shoulders and gets his contorted face all up in her chi, yelling, "YOU SHUT YOUR EVIL MOUTH." Gloria: "Or what? What are you going to do to me that hasn't already been done?" Well, he could kill her. That's clearly something that hasn't been done to her yet. Though many have been tempted, I'm sure. Bree, looking completely out of it with shock, wanders out of the room, down the stairs, and right on out the front door, totally leaving Danielle and Andrew alone with the crazy mother-son duo.

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Desperate Housewives

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