Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: B | Grade It Now!
In the Dark
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Susan married Mike, and it pissed Katherine off. Lynette doesn't love the twins she's pregnant with. Gaby became Ana's guardian. Bree started an affair with Karl. A new family moved in on Wisteria Lane, and then Julie was strangled. But don't mourn her yet, folks. Mary Alice's voiceover starts out all about Mrs. McC and how she met Roy (it's Bob!), the guy she told Gaby about last week. To make a long and tedious story short, she liked him, he liked her, they flirted, they had sex, she thought she might love him, then decided to tell him. So, they go for a walk and she works up the nerve to tell him. She tells him how much she likes having him around, since he puts the seat down and can drive at night. This is how old people sweet-talk, I guess. She talks about her dead husband and meatloaf, and ends with "I love you, Roy." She asks if he has anything to say and he says she knows how he feels. She'd like to hear the words, but he screams, "What the hell?!" and runs over to Julie, lying in the grass, the day after she was attacked. THE NEXT DAY. He's calling 911, as Mrs. McC looks on. Mary Alice isn't sure if it's because of Roy finding Julie's body or because she thinks he's not going to tell her he loves her back, but she screams. And we get a close-up of her mouth as she does so, which was totally unnecessary. Main titles.

"Ten Minutes Earlier." Mary Alice tells us how nicely the morning had begun: Bob reads the Sports section. Celia's playing with her doll (and, because she's a Solis daughter, banging it against the porch railing). And Mrs. McC and Roy are starting their walk. At Susan's, she's awake and putting on makeup while Mike sleeps. Then she wakes him and kisses him. He thinks this is all perfect, with her breath mint and everything. She thinks it could be better, and gives him a breath mint, too. They can't believe they got married last night. I mean, it totally felt like it had happened before. Mike interrupts them before they get to have morning-after-wedding sex. Susan's so happy with her life, with all of them back together and Julie back home. Then Mrs. McC screams outside.

Casa de Solis. Ana's on the phone with Danny, trying to get him to hang out. He blows her off, which Gaby points out as soon as Ana's off the phone. Ana claims she could get him herself, but is happy to hear some of Gaby's pointers. Gaby tells her the secret to landing a guy is ignoring him. Be too busy. End the conversations. Etc. That's how she got Carlos. He tries to pretend she didn't, but she gives us the stats: He sat through six runway shows before she'd date him. She backed out of their first date by saying she was sick. He's mad to find out she wasn't really sick, since he rented a yacht, but Gaby tells him to "Eat your waffles! I'm teaching!"

Bolen House of Weird. Danny's getting off the other end of that phone conversation with Ana, then his parents are grilling him on where he went last night. He says he went out because he couldn't sleep, and he went a lot of places. His dad drove around looking for him, but Danny's a smartass about it. Angie tells Nick to go shower and spends some time bonding with Danny, which is mostly just exposition to get viewers to know that these two have a special relationship, which means that she fights his battles for him. He tells her he went out drinking, that's all. She tells him she knows this move has been hard, but couldn't he try to be happy? She thanks him for being honest, but smacks him for drinking. Mrs. McC screams.

Scavo house. Parker asks if Lynette threw up in the bathroom. When she confirms it, Porter says that if she weren't so old, he'd think she was pregnant. Tom almost tells them the truth, but Lynette pretends she ate bad seafood last night, even though they all ate together at Mike and Susan's wedding. She pretends she went out somewhere and ate clams, though she can't remember where. She just remembers seeing a sign for "clams." Tom's looking on in awe that she can tell such a ridiculous story, but Parker's like, "Well, my point was: Next time, please flush." Porter loses his appetite, and the boys leave. Lynette reminds Tom they weren't going to tell the kids until after the first trimester and after they're sure everything's okay. He wonders if that's the only reason she's not telling. Mrs. McC screams.

Katherine knocks at Bree's, and Orson answers. He's hungover, and she's looking for Bree. He doesn't know where she is; he woke up and she was already gone. Katherine just wanted to let her know she's taking the morning off. Orson's sure Bree will understand, given all Katherine's been through with the Susan and Mike thing. Katherine's breezy about it, all "That won't last. Mike just feels sorry for Susan. He'll be back." Mrs. McC screams. Orson: "My thoughts exactly." Why would Bree choose Karl over him, again?

Seedy hotel. Bree and Karl finish having sex, and she tells him she's never done anything like this, because sex has always had to be about love or spirituality, but now she sees it's marvelous even without any of that. It gets a little weird when she scolds him for trying to do something dirty, and he says "Well, some people like it." They start to go again, but his phone rings. It's Mike, who tells him something's happened to Julie. Susan's with Julie, who's still lying in the grass. The whole neighborhood is out watching, wondering who would want to hurt such a nice girl. Carlos looks over and sees Danny walk out and look on. Mrs. McC notices him too. If they're setting this up so that Mrs. McC has some insider information, it's going to feel an awful lot like last season, isn't it? Commercials.

Gaby and Lynette head to the hospital, leaving a lot of men in their pajamas to discuss what just happened. No one can believe this happened, and Lee especially can't believe it was on their property: "It could have been me!" Everyone looks at him like the idiot he is, and he's like, "What? I've never had much upper body strength." Lee leaves, and Bob meekly apologizes for him and then follows him. That leaves Tom, Orson, and Carlos to start pointing the finger at the Bolens. Carlos first floats the theory, since none of them are out here to see how Julie is, when everyone else in the neighborhood is. And Carlos did see Danny coming out of a movie with Julie recently. Orson pontificates about how when women are attacked, it's usually a boyfriend or husband. Tom thinks maybe they should get to know the Bolens.

Inside the Bolens', Angie says everyone's looking over here and she doesn't think they're admiring the flowers. Nick points out that Danny was hanging out with Julie, then Mrs. McC saw him fighting with her, and now she turns up almost dead. Danny says he had nothing to do with that; he likes Julie. But he won't tell his dad what he and Julie were fighting about. Angie changes the subject, and asks Danny again where he was last night. He can't remember, because he drank so much it's a little fuzzy. Um, Danny, if you can't remember anything, that's more than "a little fuzzy." Nick wants to say Danny was home, but Angie says they can't do that since someone might have seen him out. She suggests they all go out and start hugging people so they don't look like they're hiding suspiciously.

Mrs. McC frets to Roy about the cops questioning everyone. She doesn't know what to do, because she doesn't want to point the finger at Danny -- kids fight, after all -- since she doesn't want another family hating her. Roy asks who hates her, and she says, "The gay guys. I've said stuff." An

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Desperate Housewives




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