Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: C | Grade It Now!
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Out With A Bang

I want to start out by saying I'm sorry to those who think this episode deserves a higher grade than a C. I like this show, and I try to grade it based on what it is rather than against something like, say, Mad Men. But, let's face it, remove the plane crash from the end and this episode's about as boring as they come. Throw in the cliffhanger -- and the boring "guest cast," whom we don't know or care about it -- and the grade is warranted, if not generous. Anyway, previously, Bree set up blackmail against Orson to get out of her marriage; Lynette and Gaby got into a big, ol' fight; we found out that Angie Bolen killed a man, and then her son Danny tried to kill himself and told nurse Mona his name's Tyler, not Danny; and Mike told Karen he never loved her, so she called 911 and then stabbed herself (off-camera, thankfully, since the knife was awfully bloody).

Mary Alice's Voice-Over starts us off by introducing us to a couple we don't know or care about. Basically, it's a middle-aged woman who does nothing but complain and her meek wuss of a husband who puts up with it, but secretly hates her. They work together at his banner-flying business, and Jeff prays that God will end his suffering. Luckily, God's feeling generous. We see the two of them flying together and bickering about Christmas. He offers her a divorce for Christmas and shows her a divorce attorney's card. He's thankful, but she says she's taking half of everything, including the business. She wants to ruin him. But she's too late, since he has a heart attack while flying the plane. She thinks he's a big faker, but quickly realizes she has to land the plane. She screams as Mary Alice tells us that's how the unhappy marriage of Daphne and Jeff Bicks ended: "in a plane, losing altitude, right above a cul de sac..." Tom looks concerned and asks Parker if that plane's flying really low. MAVO: "...by the name of Wisteria Lane." Parker thinks it's going to crash. Opening title.

"Three Days Earlier." MAVO says the Wisteria residents are hoping for the best Christmas ever as they prepare for the annual festival, so they hung a banner and decorated, including setting up Santa's workshop. Lynette makes a joke comparing tangled Christmas lights to Santa's colon. Lee cracks up, but Gaby snits that it's almost as funny as when Orson said it last year. Susan and Lee look at each other, wondering what's up. She thinks Christmas music might help and wonders if Parker has the sound system fixed. He practically electrocutes himself as Mrs. McCluskey wonders if someone who can't even get a newspaper onto her porch should be working with electricity. Oh, Mrs. McC, the two are unrelated: We all know electricity is a science and a perfect porch newspaper delivery is an art. Lynette insults Gaby's clumpy tinsel-throwing, which is just a dumb move. Lee wonders what's up with the two of them, but Gaby doesn't want to talk about it. Bree doesn't care as long as they make up before the Christmas festival, since they have to sing in the Jingle Belles choir. Lee offers himself up as a fill-in, but Bree says men can't participate. Mrs. McC adds they're the Jingle Belles, not the Jingle Balls. Lee asks if she shouldn't be out stealing the last can of Who Hash. She threatens to actually go Grinch on him.

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Desperate Housewives

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