Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!
Arrested Development

Susan's. She's filling Kathy in on the situation with Katherine. She was seen leaving the wedding that afternoon and not seen again until the next morning. Kathy just stares at Susan and doesn't write any of it down. When Susan asks about that, Kathy asks if Susan remembers her. Susan pretends to, but then says not really. She doesn't even remember after Susan tells her her name. And once she gives her a point of reference -- English class -- Susan pretends to remember, but doesn't, and even mispronounces Kathy's name. (It's Denise Lapera, and Susan says Lapeera.) They make small talk about how Kathy arrested their English teacher a few years ago. Susan laughs, and Kathy gets crazy eyes as she talks about how good everything is in Susan's life. Susan mispronounces Kathy's name again and says she's done well for herself, too, since she's a detective. But Kathy says she also lives in her mother's basement, has never been married, and isn't dating. But she did bowl a 179 the other night. Susan says she's also a detective. Back to Katherine, Kathy says she'll head over there and nose around now. Susan stops her and tells her Katherine shouldn't know Susan accused her, as things could get ugly. Kathy says, "Sure," and leaves. Susan tells her to say hi to her mom (isn't she just going across the street?), but Kathy says they don't speak to each other.

Bolens. Bree drops by Angie's to give her some thank-you shortbread biscuits. Angie thanks Bree for not walking out when she and Nick started screaming. Then she tells Bree how tactful she is, and wonders if she could teach her. Bree says she wouldn't think of taking away that earthy charm. Bree lies that she has a friend coming to town and would love to borrow Angie's recipes. Angie says her Grandma Bombelli was strict about not ever sharing the family with anyone. Bree lies that her friend loves good Italian food, but is badly burned so doesn't go to restaurants anymore. Angie thinks that's awful and that her grandma would want the woman to eat well. So she gives Bree all of her recipes, but says not to pass them around. Bree promises to treat them as if they were her own.

Back at Susan's. She's watching for Kathy to come back from Katherine's as Mike looks through her yearbook. He wonders if she still has her cheerleading outfit, which he says might jog her memory. Then he finds Denise's photo, and when Susan sees it, she says, "Oh my god, Moose." She finally realizes Kathy is Moose Lapera. She hated Susan in high school, since Susan's the one who compared her laugh to a moose and got the whole school to make fun of her. Also, Susan sort of stole Moose's boyfriend. She explains this as if it wasn't her fault too. She finally realizes she sent Kathy over to talk to Katherine, and they both hate her. Mike says it was a long time ago, and no one would hold a grudge that long. Kathy and Katherine come out, and Susan thinks Mike's right; it looks like a perp walk. Then they hug, and he says it looks more like a perp hug. Mike says she's showing them how long someone can hold a grudge. Susan looks stunned.

Casa de Solis. Gaby asks Juanita if she'd like to go to a movie with her after "school." Juanita's in, if she can have Junior Mints for dinner, so we know all is right with their relationship again. Or, you know, as right as it can be. The doorbell rings and it's a different housekeeper. Gaby wonders where Ivana is, but this lady doesn't really speak enough English to explain it to Gaby. Fortunately, Carlos comes down to leave for work right then and explains that he told the cleaning company to send someone else, since Ivana was terrible. Gaby thinks he should cut Ivana some slack, since she's Romanian; and when your people are being chased into Argentina by angry Cossacks, maybe a sparkling toilet isn't that important. Carlos asks Gaby to please not teach Juanita geography. He leaves and Gaby asks the new housekeeper how she feels about teaching math. But her English still isn't good.

Test kitchen. Bree's cooking up Angie's Italian recipes for 500, when Angie comes over to reciprocate the delicious shortbread with some cookies. Bree tries to rush her out, but Angie wants to help her. She sees how much sauce and how many potatoes, so Bree pretends her friend wants leftovers. Then Angie sees the "Vitale Anniversary Party" menu with all of Angie's recipes on it, and is indignant that Bree would run to her with a sob story about a burn victim. Bree admits that was tacky, and Angie says she lit a candle for that burn victim. Bree says it was a huge compliment, but Angie wonders if her food being good enough but her not being is a compliment. Bree says she'd never say that, and Angie knows that since she's tactful, but she's not, so she calls Bree a selfish, two-faced bitch and takes her recipes, with a loud, "But enjoy the cookies!" before she slams the door.

Scavos. Lynette and Tom are telling Julie that she has to do something about Nick possibly being the attacker. She says it was impossible that it was Nick, but Tom reminds her she couldn't see who attacks her. She says it doesn't make sense, since Nick loves her, but Lynette reminds her she broke up with him. Tom and Lynette say they can't do nothing about this, since they've watched her grow up and she's like a daughter to them. They're going to the police no matter what she says. She looks out the window and says it just couldn't be him.

Gaby and Juanita knock on a door somewhere, and Ivana answers. She's angry that Gaby didn't tell Carlos the truth about the tutoring, since he complained and got her in trouble at work. But Gaby wants her to come back. She says she needs her, and so does Juanita. She pushes Juanita into Ivana, and Ivana says, "Ow!" Then Gaby says if she teaches Juanita someone ends up fighting. Ivana says she has floors to scrub, so next thing we know, Gaby's on her hands and knees scrubbing a floor as Ivana teaches Juanita. Though she stops tell Gaby she missed a spot. It's really a lose-lose for Gaby, isn't it?

Bree's test kitchen. Orson comes in and asks if she has a minute, but she tells him it's not a good time. He tries her gnocchi, makes a gross face, and says, "Mmm. Tasty." She tells him not to patronize, since she knows Angie's are light as air and hers are like little shot-puts. He thinks this will cheer her up. He shows her a brooch she bought at the jewelry store she says she went to. She tells him she's busy, but he tells her it's odd that she mentioned the first brooch... She cuts him off and tells him to stop it, for god's sake. She doesn't want jewelry, trinkets, or romantic gestures. She. Wants. Out. But, hey, on a positive note, I don't think Orson is really a klepto anymore, is he? She threatens to throw something at him, and he says, "Just not one of the gnocchi. Those things could put someone's eye out."

Casa de Solis. Gaby comes home with grocery bags, apologizing for being late. She calls for Ivana to leave before Carlos gets home, but Carlos is in the other room, helping Juanita with schoolwork. Carlos tells her he got off work early and let their "cleaning woman" go home. He excuses Juanita. When they're alone, Gaby pretends she heard Celia fall down (she exists?), but Carlos makes her stay. She says she's sorry, but it's hard. Carlos thinks she can set aside a few hours each day to teach her own daughter. Gaby says she'll teach her many things: how to dress, put on makeup, get a boy to notice her. And that will be fun. But fractions, grammar, and history aren't her things and Juanita knows it. She says it's ruining their relationship. He thinks she's exaggerating, but when she tells him Juanita turned her down when she offered to take her to ice cream, he realizes she's right. She cries that some moms are made to home-school, but she's not one of them. He gives her a hug and says okay; they'll figure something else out. She asks if she can keep the housekeeper and he says, "Absolutely not." She cries harder, and he says, "I know." Man, if I made as much money as Carlos, I'd have several housekeepers.

Bolens. Angie's folding laundry when B

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Desperate Housewives




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