Susan and Ian are back from dinner, and Susan is fretting that Julie is going to know that they cut out of dinner early out of worry for Julie's well-being (re: last week's near-death experience), and Susan doesn't want to seem "overprotective and clingy": "It's been a week; I'm getting on her nerves." Ian and Susan concoct a tale about the food being so terrible at the restaurant that they staged a walkout. But then, as Susan points out, how to explain the tinfoil swan of leftovers that she is so desperately clutching? Is that a nod to Gladstone's in Malibu? Because that's the only restaurant I've ever eaten at that shapes its leftovers into statues of waterfowl. Susan and Ian brainstorm some more about what excuse they're going to give as they walk up to the house, but it turns out they don't even need an excuse, because when they walk in, Austin and Julie are making out on the couch. Austin is, of course, topless, but not at all "of course" are the buttons to Julie's top, which are distinctly not buttoned! Susan rants, Susan raves, Susan orders Austin to put his shirt back on. But he can't: he arrived shirtless. Of course. Hey wait a second, is Austin wearing military-issue dog tags? Does he have a secret past in the armed services? Oh, wait. Austin leaves, and Julie screeches at her mother for laying into Austin. Why, if not for that walking torso, she could be dead by now! Susan asks for Ian's opinion on the matter, and he actually sides with Julie and the whole "two people in a crisis" line of thought, but then he sees where his support of Julie is going to leave him with Susan, i.e., not inside her pants, and he downshifts abruptly and tsks Julie for being a "very naughty girl." Susan grounds Julie for two weeks and forbids her to see Austin. Julie, like the rational woman her mother so is not: "Mom, I like this guy, and I'm sorry if it makes you unhappy, but I'm going to keep seeing him."
Sigh, the walking plank is back. Edie ushers Mike inside, making sure that he sees the provocative photo of herself that she's framed and planted on his mantle. The dank, blank Mike is disappointed because he doesn't recognize anything. Edie hugs him and then sorely tempts the fates by saying that the "worst's behind [him]."
And the fates answer with extreme promptness: down at the police station, Ghostbuster Ridley talks a sassy lawyer from the district attorney's office into helping him to get a search warrant for Mike's house, based on his phone number being written on Monique's hand along with fragments of a special specific plumber's pipe wrench being found in her head wound.