Bree is wildly interested in sending Orson's mother a Holiday Greeting. After much badgering, Orson -- who clearly has deep, dark mother issues -- reluctantly hands over the address of his mother's nursing home. When Bree discovers that the woman (played by none other than Designing Women's Dixie Carter) lives just thirty minutes away, she invites her over for one of those famously fun Van De Hodge family meals. Over dinner, Orson remorselessly reveals that he's sold his mother's house and all her possessions, which whips Dixie into a rage. Bree invites Dixie to stay with them until they can find her somewhere else to live (Dix hates her nursing home), but Orson puts his foot down...until Dixie pulls Orson aside and threatens to tell Bree the true nature of their mother-son rift. Orson promptly relents. Mommy Dearest is moving in! And another Wisteria mystery is born. Susan catches shirtless Austin and almost-shirtless Julie making out on the couch and forbids them to date. Julie, acting like a teen for the first time ever, ignores her mother and goes off with Austin on the back of his motorcycle, just like an archetypal good girl gone bad. So Susan trots in Karl for some bad-copping, only he turns out to be far more interested in the news that Susan's moved on from Mike, the supposed love of her life, to some guy named Ian. Oh, Karl. Don't you know? This is Wisteria Lane, the land where new love interests pop up almost as fast as the dead bodies do. Gabby decides to get back into modeling, but upon returning to New York, she is shocked to discover that much has changed in the modeling industry. Or, more precisely, the modeling industry hasn't changed at all, but Gabby has; she's in her thirties, and in model-years, that's like 160 or something. After an excruciating scene in which she's forced to play the role of a "disapproving and unsexy mom"-type in a photo shoot, Gabby returns to Fairview, humbled and in need of some serious career guidance counseling. The police get a warrant to search Mike's house, but they don't find the one thing they're looking for: his toolbox. Later, it turns out Mrs. McCluskey's been holding on to it for him. When she returns it, she makes a pointed point of pointing out that there's a wrench inside that could use a little cleaning. A blood-drenched wrench perhaps? Lynette bakes new-neighbor (and local swim coach) Art a cake to thank him for saving her life. When she stops by to deliver said cake, she discovers his front door is already open. (Wisteria Lane: Where the only thing more frequent than dead bodies and new lusts is unbelievable convenience.) Of course Lynette heads right on inside. While she's inside, she discovers lots of kid-friendly toys and also a pedophilic Polaroid shrine of be-bathing-suited boys in Art's basement. That Art, he sure did move in fast.
This week's MAVO montage opener is all about Mrs. McCluskey and how she just loves to help people -- even people who don't especially want any help. Mrs. McC pointedly paints a neighbor's long-faded garage door an unbecoming blue. Mrs. McC pointedly returns a missing cat to cat lady Alberta after first taking the liberty of getting the cat fixed. Mrs. McC pointedly takes down another neighbor's Christmas lights, which apparently were still strung up deep into June.
In the now, Mrs. McC is letting herself into Mike's garage when Edie busts her. Halloween appears to have come a few weeks too late for Edie, who is wearing a sort of "sexy cat burglar meets Emma Peel" outfit of fitted head-to-toe black with a bondage-cinched belt in gleaming patent leather. Edie, who's there getting the house ready for Mike's return the next day, suspiciously grills Mrs. McC as to what she's doing there. Mrs. McC hems and haws. Edie: "Don't lie to me, prune." Apparently, Mrs. McC's been borrowing Mike's lawnmower on a regular basis, but now Edie's putting a stop to it. But clever Mrs. McC drops some hints about the photos that she found in Mike's trash -- the ones of Susan and Mike all lovey-dovey together -- and how would Edie like it if Mrs. McC were to show them to Mike?
Cut to Mrs. McC happily wheeling the mower over to her lawn. Oh, Mrs. McC, Mrs. McC, don't you know what happens to blackmailers on Wisteria Lane?
A group of off-brand Girl Scouts are gathered on Wisteria Lane, rallying for the kickoff of their big door-to-door magazine sale campaign. MAVO tells us that a "shiny new bicycle" has been promised to whichever girl sells the most subscriptions. MAVO: "That's the beauty of youth: little girls believe anything's possible. That is, until they grow up and get divorced." One of the fauxscouts arrives on Gabby's doorstep and finds Gabby out on the porch, doing her nails, her face elaborately made up with nightclub smoky eye. Poor Gabby. The girl launches her sell-spiel, but mispronounces Vogue as "Vo-gew," which Gabby promptly corrects. She should know how to say it; after all, she graced its cover! You remember, it was their very special "little person" issue? Because really there's no other explanation for a model of Gabby's Lilliputian stature appearing on the hallowed cover of Vogue. The fauxscout is totally impressed.