Dinner. Conversation is extremely tense and stilted. Mama Hodge compliments Bree on her glorious salmon, and Bree gushes that the recipe actually won her an award at the "Gourmet County Cookoff." MH asks Bree what gives the sauce that "kick," and Bree gives a "naughty-naught" ah-ah-ah, and then says, "You never ask a magician how a trick is done." Bree chuckles. Mama Hodge chuckles. Ugh. Orson pouts at the other end of the table. Mama Hodge asks Orson if everything's okay. And that's when Orson cuts loose with the vitriol: why is she here and what does she want? Mama Hodge comes clean: she wants out of that "hell hole" of a retirement home. Unfortunately, as Orson very gleefully informs her, she has no home to go back to: he sold it, along with all her possessions: "That's the thing about hell holes: they don't pay for themselves." Mama Hodge stands and thumps her fist on the table, screaming, "How dare you! You have no right!" Bree, horrified: "Okay! Maybe I will share my secret ingredient!" Mama Hodge, completely ignoring Bree's attempt to make nice, tells Orson, "I should have smothered you in your crib when I had the chance." Bree, frantically trying to smooth things over: "Paprika! There! Now [the secret's] out!" Orson, giddy: "That the mother I remember! I was wondering when she'd show up!" Mama Hodge: "Yes, Orson, I am your mother. So you, more than anyone, should know how I deal with betrayal." Was that a threat? Why I think it was. Mama Hodge walks stiffly out of the dining room, and Andrew says, "So, can we call her 'Grandma'?" I'm not sure I like how Andrew's been reduced to just a few one-liners, though I am happy that he appears to be out of his Satan phase. And at least he gets something to say; Danielle doesn't do anything in this scene but eat her secret-sauce salmon.
Next up: a nice little scene between Julie and Susan, where Julie's doing laundry and Susan is staring mournfully out her window. Julie apologizes for putting Susan "through the wringer." Susan: "Sixteen years of being perfect...you were due." And yet, that's what's confusing Julie: if Susan's trusted her this long, why can't she trust Julie's judgment when it comes to Austin? Susan explains that even the smartest, most reliable girls make bad decisions when it comes to shiftless, shirtless men. Susan pats Julie on the shoulder and then heads off to finish the laundry. Julie walks over to the window to check out what Susan was gazing at oh so woefully, and she sees Edie and Mike making out on Mike's front porch. I feel like I should also tell you that Edie is either wearing the freakiest, fluffiest fur mittens, or her hands have transformed into wolf-woman paws.