Tom and wounded-wing Lynette are waiting for the Ps to get off the school bus. In a faint nod to continuity (remember how Lynette spent all of Season 2 whining that she couldn't take off any time from work?), Lynette is just getting off the phone with boss Ed, who apparently just told her to take all the time she needs before coming back to work. And that's with pay. It looks like the agency can run fine without her after all! And just think, Ed pushed Tom out of his job because he thought Lynette was indispensable. The second the kids get off the bus, they start grilling Lynette that a kid named "Jordan" (the son of Jackie's killer maybe?) said that she'd been shot, and that "Auntie Nora" got shot DEAD. Yeah...I'm not sure how Tom and Lynette actually thought the story wouldn't work its way back to the kids, what with the shooting being on the news and everything. Lynette apologizes for pulling the wool over her kids' eyes, and Tom rushes to point out that Mommy's totally a-okay, and that they'll be seeing Auntie Snora in "heaven." Lynette: "Or wherever" (i.e., Hell). The kids react to the news pretty differently: the P-twins do that thing that kids do where they get super into the tragedy (asking to see the bullet, etc.); meanwhile, Older P pulls a Susan and gets all overprotective and clingy. "What if the crazy lady comes back?" he creaks worriedly. Tom: "She's up in heaven." Lynette: "Or wherever."
Julie, on the back of Austin's motorcycle, straps on a helmet. Susan comes running outside, screaming, and Austin punches it. Susan spies Edie, taking out the trash while wearing an improbable silver satin sheath-dress with cute little belt detail. Hysterical Susan comes scolding up, wagging her finger and yelling that Edie needs to keep Austin away from Julie. God, what is she talking about? How could anyone not know that forbidding teens to see one another is like smearing down a toy with catnip and then ordering the cat not to touch it. And that's basically what Edie says. Susan, shrewishly: "Are you crazy? If we don't do something, those two could end up having sex!" Edie: "Could? Let me put it this way. I've got a box of condoms in my dresser? Eleven are gone; I can only account for eight of them." I guess Mike's wooden qualities finally have found their calling. Right on cue, Mike hobbles out on his cane, saying something flounderish about needing help with his tie (he and Edie are off for a fancy meal to celebrate his release...from the hospital, dirty!). Susan looks all surprised and hurt to discover that Mike's home and she didn't even know it, and Edie rubs Susan's face in the sting by saying that two people who are "meant to be together" -- ostensibly Julie and Austin, but secretly Mike and Edie -- can't be kept apart. And then Edie pointedly goes inside to be with Mike. Susan stands there, carping.