Bree comes out of her house to get the mail wearing not a strapless red micro-dress but a salmon top, cute khakis, and the patented Bree flip. And who should come running up with all her kids in tow, looking like the world's biggest red-flag parade? Lynette and the offspring. Bree looks suitably scared. Lynette informs her that her babysitter canceled (no!) and Bree immediately starts in with the backpedaling. "My house is a mess" (ha!), Bree insists desperately. Lynette bullies her with the argument that this is her one chance to go have a real lunch with real adults and real drinks (which is probably exactly what Bree was planning on doing until Lynette and Team Terror rolled up). "Oh for god's sake Bree, I'm wearing panty hose!" she shouts. Check MATE. Bree gives in, her face a frozen mask of reluctance.
Susan and her mother are making some sauce in the kitchen. Literally. Mom is wearing a cute pink cable-knit sweater, and Susan is wearing a travesty of a cardigan, an off-white, one-button thing that's all bell-sleeves and rag weave, with a huge, ridiculous collar ("Are those WINGS?" my TV watching friend, Sunny, yelled at the television. "Is she a PANTYLINER?"). Truly, that sweater is so shockingly bad, it makes it difficult to follow the dialog of the scene (which isn't all that scintillating to begin with). Susan is explaining why she and Mike are no more, regarding his criminal record. Mom can't believe it, Mike has such nice manners! We see an ominous shot of Susan cutting onions with an unsteady hand, which seems to be setting us up for a bloody severed-finger scene but mostly just serves to explain some sniffling Susan does in this scene. Mom gives Susan a pep talk about how the right man is going to come around for sure, and Susan says she would have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for the inspiration of her Mom and her husband, Morty, who are both on their third marriage. Mom stops talking and starts radiating woe. Apparently Mom left Morty because he shoved her. Susan can't believe it! But yes! Morty shoved her! After she confronted him about his increased hours working "at that damned pancake restaurant" combined with his practice of hiring ever-younger waitresses. (A pancake restaurant! I didn't know it until just now, but guess what? That is now my very biggest fantasy, marrying a man with a pancake restaurant. Pancakes in the morning, pancakes in the evening, pancakes at sexytime! Too bad Morty is a mom-shover.) Susan wonders if the waitresses only seem younger because her mother is getting older. Nice, Susan. "I'm not that old," Mom insists, "people think we're sisters!" (They really do look related; the casting is righteous here.) "Well, that's because you tell them that," Susan says, with what is clearly some long-harbored aggravation. In any case, Susan doesn't think Morty cheated on her mother. Be that as it may, Mom insists that he still shoved her, and she would appreciate some support from her daughter. It is kind of weird how little concern Susan is showing for her mother in this scene. Maybe Mom is a long-standing wolf-crier? But even so! Susan agrees, finally, that she should be more sympathetic, and they go back to tending to the sauce. After a moment, Mom tosses out, "He also threw a book at me." Ha! "Come ON!" Susan says. Mom shoots her a look. Susan rewinds and changes her response to, "I mean, he shouldn't have done that." And then she ominously reaches for...a TOMATO.