Desperate Housewives
Children Will Listen

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Children Will Listen

Lynette's kids are huddled around the toilet, laughing. Somehow one of their toothbrushes has found its way into the bowl. Lynette shoos them away, but...Preston? Parker? Prester? continues to hang out at the bowl, dangling another toothbrush above its watery depths. He looks very pleased with himself. Lynette threatens him with a "Don't. You. Dare!" The other two Ps run back over to the toilet, shouting at him to do it, do it. Lynette flounders with an "I mean it this time, these are not just words." Oh Lynette, if you have to say it, you...can't afford it. She resorts to a "So help me..." and then MAVO jumps in: "Hearing the hollowness of her own voice, Lynette realized it was time to get one step ahead." Lynette finishes her "mean it this time" with "I will walk you over to Mrs. Van De Kamp's, and we all know what happens when she gets mad." Oh, Lynette. That is so lame. Yelling at Bree for spanking your kids and then using those very same tactics to your own advantage? Spineless.

Bree sits at the picnic table with two worn-at-the-tooth women. In the background, a steady stream of kids carrying hilariously large burlap sacks goes by. The trashy moms are talking about why their kids are back at Camp. Apparently Trashy Mom One caught "Tug" (?) going through her purse again. Trashy Mom Two sympathizes how she hates it when they do that, and what was he looking for, anyway, weed or cash? Oh, who knows anymore! Trashy Mom One had already knocked a few drinks back, so pretty soon she and Tug (?) were screaming and throwing things around the apartment, and the neighbors called the cops. Trashy Mom One ends her story with a trashy, wet cough, the evidence of which she spits to the ground. Trashy Mom Two says, "If I knew then what I know now, I'da had that hysterectomy a long time ago," and takes a drag off her cigarette. All the while, Bree sits ramrod straight, silently judging them. And here she was, thinking she was a bad mother! Vindicated, she gets up and storms into the hut where Andrew and Rex and the counselor are rapping. "Um, Bree..." Rex tries to stop her, but Bree has something to SAY, some snorey-snore stuff like "all any parent can do is try to provide their child with the tools they need to succeed," blah blah, and then she ends with "I am a good mother." And because she really means it, she says it twice: "I am a good mother!" Then Rex explains that Andrew had just gotten through telling them that he thinks he might be gay, which was why he wanted Rex to come in first, sans Bree, because he thought Rex would roll with the news better than Bree. Bree is momentarily speechless, and then she says, "Well, he was right! I will be waiting in the car." Funny! But not exactly the supportive response of a good mother. Though I guess I've heard tell of much worse reactions coming from parents of "might be gay" kids. But still.

Gabby is at Gardener John's. She frenches him hard, then starts stripping off her clothes. And if I were wearing that weird salmon-hued tuxedo blouse, I would be in a hurry to get it off, too. Gardener John notices her wrist, which is already covered in a nasty red welt, and Gabby explains that Carlos just got a little rough. John immediately goes to put on his coat, all, "I'm going to take care of this" and "we can't let him get away with this." Sweet! But Gabby says, "Look, you really want to get back at him? Then kiss me." "How's that going to help?" John wonders. "Because, one day, when the time is right, I'm going to tell him how he drove me right into your arms, and that's going to kill him." Or maybe push him to kill you, Gabrielle?

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Desperate Housewives

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