Back at the pancake restaurant (PANCAKE RESTAURANT!), Susan talks to Morty while Mom waits out in the parking lot. Susan wants Morty to apologize to Mom. What for, Morty wonders. "For shoving her?" Susan says, in a tone that's the equivalent of spinning your finger beside your ear, like, hello, crazy? "I only shoved her because she wouldn't stop hitting me." Ha. Then he confesses that she was hitting him because he threw a book at her. But it was a paperback! And he missed! Meanwhile Mom hit him in the gut, which really hurt, and does Susan want to see the bruise? Susan does not want to see the bruise, but she totally understands (Susan totally does not understand). But couldn't he just go out and apologize? No, because he doesn't want her back. Susan totally sympathizes (Susan totally does not sympathize), but he HAS to take her back! Because otherwise, Susan will have to suffer! "I'd like to have a relationship again, and at my age, with the kid, I mean, if she moves into the house, even for just a couple of years, I'm doomed," she whines, "she will burn up all my oxygen, and I need it." The predicament is a real one, but Susan's complete lack of empathy for anyone else's point of view is beginning to make me really hate her. To get her way, Susan gets Morty talking about the good times, the times between the violence. Morty admits that they "do have chemistry" -- Susan gives an awesome cringe here -- "and the sex was like...wow. There was one time on the interstate --" Susan interrupts with a bossy, "You don't have to sell me! Just go talk to her. Now." As Morty goes outside to Mom, Susan gabs with the waitress (who, by the way, is hardly younger-looking than Mom), sighing, "I think it's nature's little joke, that children ultimately end up parenting their parents" (Susan should know, Julie is already the parent in their relationship). Inevitably, over Susan's shoulder, we see Mom and Morty start to yell at each other, and then suddenly she's swinging her purse at his head, and Susan has to run out and break things up. Man, how could they be so SELFISH?
Lynette is out in front of her house, playing with her kids. Across the street, Bree comes out to post some mail (based on this episode, you'd think there was nothing else to do on Wisteria Lane besides check the mail...and beat each other up). Bree is really classing it up with a teal cardigan and pearls. Lynette comes across the street to offer Bree an apology. Bree stops her mid-sentence. "The fact that you just crossed that street means the world to me, and if anyone should apologize, it's me." "Thank you," Lynette says with real affection. They decide to seal the apology by heading over to Lynette's to drink some coffee and complain about their kids.
Final MAVO: "Children come into the world with their own agendas...some to brighten our days." Tom, feeding the baby girl-thing, laughs as she, I think, farts? "Some to test our patience." One of the Ps knocks over some books and Lynette and Bree exchange knowing looks. "Some to give us purpose." Felicia looks lovingly on at Zach as he thumbs through her photo album. "Some to take care of us." Mom has fallen asleep on the couch, tuckered out after purse-whipping Morty, and Susan lovingly takes Mom's book off her chest and closes it. And Bree looks at a photo of Andrew and starts to cry. "Yes, when they come, children change everything." Gabby is just finishing up with the sexy time. She collapses onto Gardener John's bare chest in the exact same shot the show started out with, only with John's nubile chest instead of Carlos's angry, experienced chest. "Especially when they're not invited." Gabby is so pregnant!