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Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card

DeAnn Welker: B+ | 1447 USERS: B-

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Put Your Behind in the Past

By DeAnn Welker | Season 6 | Episode 17 | Aired on 2010.03.14

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

After learning that Danny went to New York to find Ana, Angie and Gaby team up and head there themselves. They find the kids exactly where Angie didn't want them to be: living with her mother. Her mom doesn't want to let her grandson go, but when she learns how dangerous Patrick Logan is, she does. Gaby talks Ana into staying and being a model because the agency thinks she's so amazing (although a royal pain in the ass, just like her aunt Gaby was). Angie, Gaby, and Danny head back to Fairview, but not before Gaby reveals their location to Angie's mom's nosy neighbor -- who promptly calls Patrick and tells him she'll give him the location as soon as he gives her $1,000. On the flight home, Angie spills her secret to Gaby: She was a rabid environmentalist and when she hooked up with "bad guy" Patrick, someone ended up dead. Then Nick helped her run away, but she was already pregnant with Danny, who it turns out is Patrick's son. So we're finally getting somewhere, but it's feeling like a weaker-than-ever season-long mystery if that's it.

Or maybe it will have something to do with Robin -- who won't let Katherine walk away from her lesbianism so easily, by using being drunk or sad as excuses. She's sticking it out, and it feels like there are ulterior motives. Or maybe it has something to do with Bree's new hire, Sam, who she's already made co-vice president of the company, much to Andrew's dismay. His mother's son, he gets drunk in the middle of the day and makes a scene. Bree goes to Sam's to make up for the drama, and finds a photo of Rex Van de Kamp. Turns out Sam's his son. Orson talks Bree into doing the right thing, and not holding it against Sam, and she takes him in as her own. Andrew watches menacingly from across the street. Or maybe it's the slutty Russian fiancee Preston brought home from his trip to Europe. She's a gold digger who knows all about Preston's college fund. In fact, when he proposes and Lynette has a fake ring made instead of giving Preston a family heirloom, she immediately takes it in to be "sized" and comes back and returns it, pretending it's too valuable and that Preston should just buy her one. But Lynette knows it's a lie, and she just doesn't want it because it's not worth anything.

One thing's for sure: It has nothing to do with Susan and Mike, who spend the whole episode trying to make him feel like a man after she pays off his loan and tells him he might have turned Katherine into a lesbian (or leprechaun).

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Previously: Sam came to work for Bree. Gaby thought she broke up Danny and Ana, but Angie found out Danny followed her to New York. Katherine tried to kick Robin out, but ended up in bed with her instead. And now: We open on a "welcome home party" for Preston, where Porter and Tom are hanging up a big sign. Mary Alice tells us that Preston's family wondered what kind of souvenirs they would get from Europe -- except Lynette, who just wanted to hold her little boy in her arms. Preston comes in with a creepy-looking moustache and MAVO says she'd soon discover he's not so little anymore. While she hugs Preston, Lynette tells Porter now he doesn't have to grow a moustache to see how bad it looks. Then Preston brings in the real surprise: a sexy blond Russian named Irina. He tells his family they're in love, and Mary Ann finishes up that Preston had returned from his trip with a beautiful souvenir, and his mother would soon wish he hadn't. Opening title card.

Mary Alice says we sometimes have to wash away the mud to appreciate the yellow underneath. I don't know what Bob's been doing with that yellow car to get it that muddy in Fairview. Bree walks slowly with a rose as MAVO continues that sometimes you must move it into the sun to appreciate the beauty of the rose. Mike unwraps a bike for MJ and MAVO says sometimes you have to take off the wrapping to understand just how green a bike can be. Finally, if you want to see a woman's true colors, just make her feel unnecessary. Ana peeks her head around a snow shovel, and a photographer tells her she's "doing it again." She protests that they should see her face, but the guy tells her it's just a tool calendar. They bicker, so that we will know both that he's a jerk and she's a prima donna. When the guy takes a break, Danny's standing there. He tells Ana that Gaby sent her here to break them up. Ana realizes that's why the agency's only sending her on crappy jobs. Danny wants to go somewhere and talk, so Ana quits. Gaby's actually sewing when Angie comes in for Ana's address in New York. She explains that Danny ran off to find her, so Gaby calls Ana's phone, which is all, "Hi. This is Ana. Leave a message. Oh, and if you're my aunt Gaby? Drop dead." Gaby tells Angie she's going with her.

Susan's wearing a shiny silver dress at breakfast, and Mike (in his robe) points out she's a little overdressed. She bought it with the check from her sale at the strip club, she says, figuring she needed something to wear when they go to Chez Naomi. Mike's awesome response: "Chez Naomi? Why don't we just stay home and eat money?" She reminds him he promised to take her there to celebrate paying off his business loan. He says it's years away from being paid off, but Susan says she took care of it. He gets mad and asks what the hell she did that for, since it was his responsibility. She tells him he was never going to pay it off at 9 percent interest, so he relents and says he appreciates it, but to check with him in the future first. Whatever. Any normal guy would appreciate that gesture and would, in fact, want to use whatever money either of them came into to pay off any debt that is either of theirs. This is stupid.