Previously: Sam came to work for Bree. Gaby thought she broke up Danny and Ana, but Angie found out Danny followed her to New York. Katherine tried to kick Robin out, but ended up in bed with her instead. And now: We open on a "welcome home party" for Preston, where Porter and Tom are hanging up a big sign. Mary Alice tells us that Preston's family wondered what kind of souvenirs they would get from Europe -- except Lynette, who just wanted to hold her little boy in her arms. Preston comes in with a creepy-looking moustache and MAVO says she'd soon discover he's not so little anymore. While she hugs Preston, Lynette tells Porter now he doesn't have to grow a moustache to see how bad it looks. Then Preston brings in the real surprise: a sexy blond Russian named Irina. He tells his family they're in love, and Mary Ann finishes up that Preston had returned from his trip with a beautiful souvenir, and his mother would soon wish he hadn't. Opening title card.
Mary Alice says we sometimes have to wash away the mud to appreciate the yellow underneath. I don't know what Bob's been doing with that yellow car to get it that muddy in Fairview. Bree walks slowly with a rose as MAVO continues that sometimes you must move it into the sun to appreciate the beauty of the rose. Mike unwraps a bike for MJ and MAVO says sometimes you have to take off the wrapping to understand just how green a bike can be. Finally, if you want to see a woman's true colors, just make her feel unnecessary. Ana peeks her head around a snow shovel, and a photographer tells her she's "doing it again." She protests that they should see her face, but the guy tells her it's just a tool calendar. They bicker, so that we will know both that he's a jerk and she's a prima donna. When the guy takes a break, Danny's standing there. He tells Ana that Gaby sent her here to break them up. Ana realizes that's why the agency's only sending her on crappy jobs. Danny wants to go somewhere and talk, so Ana quits. Gaby's actually sewing when Angie comes in for Ana's address in New York. She explains that Danny ran off to find her, so Gaby calls Ana's phone, which is all, "Hi. This is Ana. Leave a message. Oh, and if you're my aunt Gaby? Drop dead." Gaby tells Angie she's going with her.
Susan's wearing a shiny silver dress at breakfast, and Mike (in his robe) points out she's a little overdressed. She bought it with the check from her sale at the strip club, she says, figuring she needed something to wear when they go to Chez Naomi. Mike's awesome response: "Chez Naomi? Why don't we just stay home and eat money?" She reminds him he promised to take her there to celebrate paying off his business loan. He says it's years away from being paid off, but Susan says she took care of it. He gets mad and asks what the hell she did that for, since it was his responsibility. She tells him he was never going to pay it off at 9 percent interest, so he relents and says he appreciates it, but to check with him in the future first. Whatever. Any normal guy would appreciate that gesture and would, in fact, want to use whatever money either of them came into to pay off any debt that is either of theirs. This is stupid.
Andrew walks in on Bree and Sam planning her next cookbook, Down Home Cooking with Mrs. Van de Kamp," and he's more than a little jealous. When Sam leaves, Andrew starts mocking, "My darling Sam, I couldn't make it through the day without you." He says that will be the dedication, and also? Sam's a brown-noser. Bree's sorry he doesn't like Sam, but she likes him so much she's making him another vice president, telling Andrew there's plenty of work to go around. Andrew can't believe this, since she barely knows Sam, but she says she's doing what's best for both of them. He tells her to remember that line, because he'll use it when he puts her in a nursing home.
Robin's snuggling up to Katherine, who's staring straight at the ceiling. It honestly looks like the most uncomfortable cuddling ever. Thankfully, the doorbell rings, and Katherine finds Susan there. She's inviting Katherine shopping, because she wants to be friends again. Katherine tries to shut the door, but Susan asks her not to shut her out, since they used to tell each other everything. Robin comes down and greets Susan, then calls Katherine "hon" and kisses her on the lips. She goes to make coffee, and Susan's like, "So, anything you want to tell me?"
On the mean streets of New York, Danny knocks on a door and is greeted by an older woman. He asks if she's Rose Deluca, and then tells her she's his grandma. She greets him as Tyler, and invites him in with a huge, tearful hug. In an airplane, Gaby tells Angie their plan: to go to Ana's modeling agency, since she knows that world. Angie asks how, and Gaby scoffs that Angie wouldn't know she was a model. Gaby says she was "big-time," even on the cover of Vogue before she decided she wanted a different kind of life and married Carlos. Then Gaby asks Angie about her past since she told her about hers. Angie says her past isn't that interesting, anyway, and that telling her she was a supermodel is bragging, not sharing. Angie wonders why she never heard of Gaby if she was so great, and Gaby says she'd have to look in a fashion magazine, which she doubts Angie's ever done. Angie asks if they're done sharing, and Gaby: "Oh, yeah."
At the Scavo home, Preston and Irina are regaling the family with their tales from Europe: They met on a topless beach. Irina says she was embarrassed to show her breasts in public, and Lynette looks at her revealing dress and says, "Well, clearly you've gotten over that." Tom pulls Lynette away from the table and tells her to stop being rude. Lynette says she loves Preston, who could never get a girl that hot, but Tom says to get back there and be nice. Lynette tries to be nice by complimenting Irina's boots, and she says Preston bought her those for 300 euros in Paris. Lynette's like, "Huh. I remember sending you money for an emergency, but I didn't know it involved footwear." He says he'll pay her back out of his college fund, and then Irina tells them how generous Preston is. He promised to take her on a shopping spree in America. Lynette's obviously disgusted.
Mike, brushing his teeth, pokes his head out of the bathroom and asks Susan if she just said Katherine is a leprechaun. Susan clarifies she's a lesbian, but Mike thinks the first one made more sense. Susan says it was Katherine and Robin, who's also a "leprechaun." Mike starts to have what looks like a fantasy, but Susan tells him to get it out of his head. Then he wonders how Katherine could go from him to women, and Susan says he was a nice transition because he's gentle and likes to cuddle. He asks if she's saying he makes love like a woman, but she says he's a well-balanced man in touch with his feminine side. He claims not to have one, but she reminds him he cries at Brian's Song and The Notebook. Mike barks back, "Tears of boredom." Then he goes in the bathroom and shuts the door, which gives MJ a chance to come in and ask why his daddy's yelling. Susan: "He may have turned a woman into a leprechaun." MJ looks as puzzled as you'd expect.
Tom and Lynette argue about Irina in bed that night. Lynette thinks Tom's opinion of her was set once he heard the word topless, and he thinks she needs to give her a chance. Lynette tells Tom, in a Russian accent, that Irina's a gold-digger. Preston comes in to tell them he proposed to Irina, who said yes. He tells them she's the one, but Lynette tells him to wake up and asks why he told her about his college fund. Preston says she must really think he's an idiot, and Lynette says she thinks he's young, which is sometimes idiot-adjacent. Preston says he doesn't need her approval, but he wants Nana's ring. She says he can buy her boots, but she's not getting Lynette's family heirloom. Preston says it's not her call, since Nana promised it to him. He punctuates it by saying he's sorry he came home.