Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!
His Pants Are On Fire

Previously: Oldster Anne Shilling was in love with Porter, and he loved her back. Lynette and Tom promised Porter they wouldn't tell Anne's psycho husband about it. Gaby kicked Grandma Nutjob to the curb. And the Crazy McCluskey Sisters told Creepy Dave's doctor that he's in Fairview.

Mary Alice tells us that the owner of the White Horse bar hosts a Battle of the Bands every year. He introduces a band named "Cold Splash" as Mary Alice tells us that young musicians come with their dreams of stardom. This year, though, they're joined by a group of middle-aged men who dream of being young again, if only for one night. We zoom in on Tom, Carlos, Mike, Orson, and Creepy Dave all sitting at a table wearing matching "Blue Odyssey" T-shirts. Because all of the cool bands are wearing matching band T-shirts these days, of course. The guys talk about how old they are, but Creepy Dave says it doesn't matter because they're there to have fun. Mike agrees that they're not a plumber, a masseur, and a guy who makes pizzas. "We're a rock n' roll band." Right then Creepy Dave leaves to go "check with a guy about light cues." Mike tells Tom it will be a night to remember, and Mary Alice tells us that it was. Then it cuts to them playing "Mustang Sally," and it's not that they're bad, really. But that song is. Mary Alice adds, "In ways they could never have known," just as a fire starts on stage. And I have to quibble with Mary Alice here because one of these people actually could have known this and, in fact, caused it. Oh, right, that wouldn't work as well in the voiceover. Edie notices the fire and screams. Everyone starts pushing their way out of the place, but the door is locked. They're trapped! Which leads perfectly to the cheery opening music.

Mary Alice tells us that news of the fire spread the next morning (again, not exactly accurate according to the rest of the episode; whoever wrote the first half of this episode wasn't communicating well with whoever wrote the second half), and police started using the word "arson." And someone was taken into custody. We see someone being handcuffed, but since we only see the back and butt as the cuffs are put on, there's no way to tell who it is.

Title cards tell us it's "The Day Before." Susan's sitting by her fire drinking a hot mug of something. How homey is that. A horn honks and Susan and Jackson head to the window, where Susan says she's so excited to see "her little girl." Julie is out there standing next to a cab with a guy about her age as an older guy gets bags out of the trunk Susan makes the obvious assumption: Young guy = Julie's boyfriend. Old guy = cabbie. She would be wrong, though, as the young guy gets in the cab and drives away and the old guy (one Steven Weber) plants a kiss on Julie. I am confused as to why the cab honked when it pulled up, though. Is that some tradition in other parts of the country that we in Oregon haven't heard of? To honk just to let people know it's time to come to the window and watch you? Weird.

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Desperate Housewives




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