Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!
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His Pants Are On Fire

Bree's drinking across the bar when Sandra walks up and sits down. Bree doesn't get why Sandra would want to crucify her for writing a cookbook. Sandra says it's because it's not a cookbook, but a "look how great I am" book that makes every woman who reads it feel like a failure if she doesn't measure up. She thinks Bree's selling a sham. Bree explains that it's not because she thinks she's great. She's fallen down many times, just like every other housewife. It's a lifeline from her to all of those women because there's always a chance to get something right. Sandra says this is an angle she can work with and Bree should have told her that right up front.

Back at the table of Gaby and Grandma Nutjob, Gaby's almost asleep (and, honestly, I am too; how is it possible that I hate Frances Conroy so much in this when I loved her so in Six Feet Under?) Grandma Nutjob tells Gaby she pulled some strings to get the girls into a good private school, but Gaby's not interested. She likes their school just fine and doesn't want her girls that far away in case something happens and they need her. Grandma Nutjob says she insists, since her will is a considerable investment in this family. Gaby finally stands up for herself and says she might have been able to be bought five years ago, but not now that she's a mother. These are her decisions. Grandma Nutjob says this will play into her decisions about her will, and they won't be in it if that's the choice. Way to go, Gaby. Get rid of boring Grandma Nutjob. And, also, can we all just take a moment to reflect on how much this woman was willing to give them for a couple of orgasmic massages?

At the bar, Creepy Dave gets a call from Dr. Heller, but ignores it. Dr. Heller, right behind him, says, "Screening your calls, Dave?" He is so busted. Although I'm still not clear what a doctor has to do with any of this. I mean, I get that he's mentally ill, but at this point, I'd think the police would be involved. Creepy Dave apologizes to the doctor, who is mad that Creepy Dave changed his name without telling him and is in Fairview, where he's not supposed to be. Creepy Dave says he changed his name for a fresh start, but Dr. Heller says Fairview isn't a fresh start. Creepy Dave lies that his wife, Edie, is from here and wanted to move back. Dr. Heller asks if Creepy Dave told her his history. He lies that she knows everything, but he's in a really good place right now. He asks if they can talk about it after the show, because the guys in the band are his friends, and they're depending on him. Dr. Heller says, "The moment you're finished playing."

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Desperate Housewives

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