Over at the Scavos', the other twins are getting dropped off by their parents, whom for no reason whatsoever I'll hereafter refer to as Mr. and Mrs. Porndog. (Incidentally, Mr. Porndog is being played by "Hey! It's That Guy" Larry Miller). Mrs. Porndog tells Lynette to call if there are any problems, since they'll be at home, having a "quiet night." (As we learn later, the couple has invested heavily in soundproofing.) The boys race inside, and immediately we hear that they've managed to break something. Tom makes a crack about how the Scavos' evening is shaping up to be quite the opposite of said "quiet night." Mr. Porndog reminds the Scavos that he and his wife will be taking the P-twins the following weekend, and Lynette cracks that she has not at all forgotten, no sir!
Later, Tom and Lynette encounter the P-twins out on the stairs, who report that "PJ and Jimmy" are watching a "dumb video that they brought." Lynette: "Well, you should be polite and watch it too; they're your guests." And really, she's right: when friends bring over a pornographic video featuring their parents, it's only polite to sit and watch. Even so, the P-twins keep on walking, and Lynette and Tom head into the room alone and find Little Big P and the Porndog twins raptly watching the TV. The Scavos let their kids have a TV in their room? That seems...unwise. Lynette leans in for a closer look at what's playing: we see Mr. Porndog and Mrs. Porndog, in their underwear, sitting on a bed. Lynette asks the Porndog twins what they're watching, and they inform her that it's a movie: "Mommy and Daddy made it." Everyone in the room pauses for a moment to watch. On the screen, Mr. Porndog asks Mrs. Porndog what she's got "under there," and she says, "Peekaboo!" and flashes him her breasts (only we can't see anything because her backside -- which, incidentally, is abundantly covered in white cotton -- is facing the camera). As though cattle-prodded, Lynette jumps in front of the TV to cover it, and screams at Tom to find the remote. There's much scrambling and fumbling, and corresponding puzzlement from the kids. Way to make "peekaboo" seem fraught evermore with subtext and danger, Tom and Lynette. Time to put another $10 in the "today's mistakes, tomorrow's therapy" jar!
Gabby is down at the Catty Asian Man Boutique, trying on a brain-bendingly tight blue sapphire satin dress. Gabby describes the dress as "glorious," and insists that she must have it. Catty Asian Man (a.k.a. Verne): "I'm not sure you deserve Dolce and Gabbana: you never call, you never write..." Gabby: "Verne, I know I haven't been to the store lately, but I've been busy? Getting my husband out of jail?" Verne: "That is such a white-trash thing to say." Gabby tells Verne that Carlos got the hate crime thing dropped, so now he just has to do his hard labor, and then he'll be out in six months. Verne wonders why, if Carlos is still in the "hoosegow," Gabby would need such a fancy party dress? Gabby explains that some of her New York models friends are coming over, and she doesn't want them thinking she "moved to the suburbs" and now shops at "strip malls." Verne insists that when the model friends see this D&G dress, they'll "crumple to the floor like the Botoxed hags the are." Gabby chortles, and then walks over to another mirror and checks out her ass: "You know? It's a little snug!" It really, truly is: like a satin sausage. Verne agrees, suggesting that Gabby go up a size, to a "zero." Up! To a zero! Gabby is not amused. She calls Verne a "twerp," and insists that she's still a "double zero"! I guess it says something (something about my love of cake perhaps?) that I've never even heard of a size called "double zero" before. And really, fine by me! ["Now that they've enlarged all the sizes at Gap and Banana Republic, my sister could probably use a double zero, but then she's 4'11" and not on a TV show pretending she ever could have been a runway model, Eva Longoria." -- Wing Chun] Verne: "Why're you getting snippy?" Gabby: "Because you just called me fat!" Fat. Size zero. What a crazy, mixed-up world Gabby lives in! Verne tries to soothe Gabby by reminding her that she's actually pregnant. Gabby rubs her hand over her fat, fat belly and whines that she's only three months pregnant, which seems insanely untrue, since it seems like ages and ages since she first discovered she was pregnant, but I guess this exotic space-time continuum explains why she hasn't been showing, belly-wise, until now (an oversight that's been consternating many, many viewers for some time). No. Gabby will not go up a size. Rather, she will skip all food for two days. Verne's jaw drops, and then he laughs: "Okay. You totally deserve to wear Dolce and Gabbana." Cue the "Way to put the baby first, Gabs (you nut job)" Wisteria music!