Gabrielle visits Carlos in the joint. He's real upset that this has happened to them. I note that the Feds haven't taken Gabrielle's giant wedding ring, which is pretty nice of them, really. She assures Carlos that it's not his fault, and that she's happy to take care of everything until he's back in action. Aw, she is totally back in love with him! I wonder how long that will last. Carlos is touched. He had no idea she was this strong, he says. "You're a good wife, Gabi. A real partner." "Oh, Carlos, I love you so much," Gabrielle sighs, and they lean in to kiss each other, but as soon as they're in the lip lock, Carlos starts giving her instructions: "There's a false panel in the back wall of the closet. My passport is there along with some papers. Take the passport to the lawyer and burn the papers." They separate for a moment, and Gabrielle gives him an incredulous look until he gestures to her to come back in. "Carlos, did you know what Tanaka was doing?" she asks his mustache. "Just burn the papers," he tells her, and kisses her for real. She pulls back and makes her confused face at him.
Lynette comes home and runs into Edie in the driveway. Edie wonders if she has a spare key to Mrs. Kravitz's house. Lynette says that she doesn't, and notes that she hasn't seen Mrs. Kravitz around lately. Edie sighs that her laptop is locked up in Casa Kravitz, and there's stuff on there that she doesn't want anyone else to see. You know. Spreadsheets. Also, porn. "You know, you're not looking half bad," Edie finally says. "What have you done with that little posse of yours?" Lynette explains she has a nanny now, and Edie is suitably impressed. Lynette then brats that their mothers were smart: "They didn't get us nannies or put us in day care because they knew if they did, we'd find out. There are other women out there who were better mothers than they were." Yeah, that's why they didn't do it. It had nothing to do with social norms, or women being expected to stay home when what they really wanted to do was work, or because they loved staying home with their kids or because they couldn't afford it, or because day care, like, DIDN'T EXIST forty years ago. It's because they all selfishly wanted their children to think they were the best mothers in the world. Shut up, Lynette. Edie offers that she had a nanny for a while. She thinks for a moment and then says that she was actually more like a court-appointed social worker, while Edie's alcoholic, shoplifting mother was in the joint. "She was such a disciplinarian that, when my mom made parole, I was actually happy to see her," Edie says matter-of-factly. A light goes on over Lynette's head. It is not the "Boy, it's good that I'm not in jail or rehab for being addicted to Ritalin that I stole from people because I can't deal with my kids. Thank God I got such a nice person to help with me" kind of light; it is the "If I make Claire look shitty, my kids will love me more" light. Wow. I kind of hate Lynette now. That girl is doing a kick-ass job, and you are undermining her because of your own fucked-up psychological problems. What about the fact that having a great nanny rather than a screaming harridan mother is probably better for your kids, you selfish twit? Why don't you actually think about your four children for five minutes? And it's not that I don't get the emotional reaction of "Oh my God, what if my kids love their nanny more than they love me," but Lynette takes that to an irrational, dangerous level. Everything she does is for herself, not for her kids.