Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 526 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Come Back To Me

Maisy's. She tells KimberBree that Rex still loves her very much. "He said that?" KimberBree asks. Yes, Maisy says. KimberBree wonders why he's so unhappy, then. Maisy explains that Rex is too much of a chickenshit to ask KimberBree to walk on his back in heels, although not in so many words. (Also, like KimberBree wouldn't be the best dominatrix EVER. Get it together, Rex.) So Maisy is doing it instead. "I see," KimberBree says, and stands to go. "You know, you are pretty brazen for a woman who, however tacitly, just admitted she slept with my husband," KimberBree says icily. "If I told anyone in this neighborhood, they would never speak to you again." Maisy is pretty confident that KimberBree isn't going to tell a soul: "You may hate me, but you'd hate the humiliation a lot more." KimberBree shakes her head. "Oh, I don't hate you, Maisy," she says. "I pity you." She leaves. Maisy looks like someone just stabbed her. You're lucky she didn't actually stab you, lady.

Casa Passive-Aggressive. Lynette tells Claire to serve the boys brussels sprouts for dinner, because Lynette is...you know, a bitch. She also tells Claire to make sure "Penny" gets her nap. I have no idea why Claire is in charge of some random child, since the baby used to be named "Daisy."

That night, Lynette settles in with a bowl of popcorn and watches her kids throw the brussels sprouts at Claire. Lynette laughs and laughs gleefully. See, this is another big problem that I have with Lynette: she gets all upset when the kids are a pain in the ass to her, but when she wants to exact revenge on someone, or make someone else's life difficult for her own personal gain, she uses her children's brattiness to her advantage -- both in this instance, and when she hopped them up on sugar before leaving them with Gay Matt. It's really an asshole move on her part.

Hospital. KimberBree waits by the bedside of an unconscious Rex. He finally comes to. "I guess they operated, huh?" he asks. KimberBree takes a seat beside him and tells him that the surgery went well, and that he's going to be as good as new. "You look like you've been crying," he tells her. KimberBree says that she has, and takes his hand: "I was so afraid you were going to die. There're so many things I haven't had the chance to tell you." Rex rubs her hand and says he's sorry she was so worried. KimberBree softly asks, "That's okay. How are you now, Rex? Are you strong enough to listen to the things I have to tell you?" He says he is. She sits next to him and leans right into his face. "I know you still love me," she tells him. "Maisy told me." Rex: "She did?" Gulp. And KimberBree gets right up in his face even closer and whispers in a most calm yet violent tone, "As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find and together we are going to eviscerate you. I am going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me? I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you to hurt as much as is humanly possible." She gets off him, and gets her things. "I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that," she says, and sweeps out. Rex looks stunned. Dude, I told you. Don't fuck with KimberBree. She will WRECK YOU. You are so very screwed now. You're going to end up in a shallow grave by the side of the road wrapped in a tarp, and that's if you are lucky.

Desperate Housewives

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