Casa Solis. Mama Solis has gotten sucked into her telenovela -- as well she should -- and Gabrielle sneaks out to the shed (insert obligatory "don't forget The Shed" Passions comment here) -- to see Miguel. Oy. Do you want to get caught, girl? Miguel is all crabby and petulant about her not meeting him at the motel: "I had to use a month's worth of lunch money to pay for that room!" Gabrielle whines that it's not her fault. But Mama Solis won't notice she's gone now that she's sucked in to her soap. Miguel plays it coy, and won't give her the time of day. Gabrielle stamps her foot and brats that she said she was sorry. Miguel brats in return that he's turned down the entire pep squad for Gabrielle, and she retorts that maybe he should be with a girl his own age. He's really very cranky about the entire thing. Eventually, Gabrielle wheedles him into a kiss. Just as they go in for the lip lock, Mama Solis screams for Gabrielle. Miguel, so easily swayed from "petulant" to "horny," hisses that he wants Gabrielle "so bad." When can he see her again? They agree to meet in front of the mall after school. She promises she'll find a way to deal with Mama Solis. Good God, you two. Can you put your hormones on hold for, like, one single second?
House of Gay Matt And She Who Won't Take Off That Fucking Choker. Gay Matt can't believe that Posh Academy wants a $15,000 donation to ensure the successful enrolling of Precognitive and Parole. They don't have that kind of money! Gay Matt wonders if they should home-school, and Lynette, of course, wonders if he's gone out of his cotton-picking mind. Gay Matt tells her that home-schooling "has its advantages." Lynette explains that the advantages don't include their sons' continued life upon this earth. "Sometimes you've got to make sacrifices," Gay Matt tells her. Like the lives of your kids? Lynette suggests that, instead, they stick them back up her vagina and "cook them until they're civilized." "You'd be cool with that?" Gay Matt perks up, taking her feet on his lap and rubbing them. I know he's a little dense, but I am totally in love with Gay Matt.