Meanwhile, Officer Steven is changing his shirt...by the road...in Cracktown. Okay. I don't know why he didn't pick Susan up after his shift, but...oh, wait, yes I do. It's so that Susan can see The Screwdriver of Evidence in the back of his car, get all bent out of shape about what a liar Officer Steven is, and storm off. What a drama queen. Which is exactly what he calls her. I like Susan, but she isn't very good at dealing with people. She doesn't deal well with the boys in her life. She doesn't deal well with her rivals. She doesn't deal well with her blackmailing neighbors. Steven calls after her that she probably shouldn't be storming away in the middle of Cracktown. But she tells him that she'd rather take her chances on the street than deal with him anymore. Say it with me: "Oh, Susan."
Over on Wisteria Lane, Zack takes a hatchet and breaks into KimberBree's empty house. Right.
Susan walks through Cracktown, also known as "the back lot," and sweetly informs a local prostitute that she's a leeetle bit lost. "You best be lost, this here's my corner," the whore retorts. Susan explains that, oh no, heavens, she's not a working girl, but if the whore could tell her where a pay phone is...and also, if she could loan her change for a five...in quarters? That would be great. The whore rolls her eyes: "Honey, if I got paid in quarters I'd be doing something very wrong." But this whore, like most whores on television, has a heart of gold. She loans Susan her bejeweled cell phone. "I have weekend minutes," she explains. Susan thanks her, as a john drives up. "Excuse me, honey," the whore says. "Do what you gotta do!" Susan thrills. Oh, Susan. You are so dumb. But you are quite charming. Susan calls Julie, who promises to send help. Susan's waiting on the phone when a man drives up. "Hey baby," he yells at her. "Thank you, no. I'm on a break," she calls back politely. "Hurry please," she hisses to her kid.
Rex and KimberBree get home to see the police swarming their property. There's been a break-in! "I gotta tell you, ma'am, I thought I'd seen a lot on the job, but this is something else," says one of the cops, letting Rex and KimberBree into their house. Zack has kitted the place up for the holidays, including stockings for Paul, Mary Alice, and Zack. There's a bad shot when they run into their living room -- you can see the top of the set walls. Bad form, kids. Rex is perplexed by this whole holiday thing, but KimberBree is just sad.
After the ads, we learn that Zack chopped down one of the Van de Kamps' pine trees for the Christmas tree. "Why?" KimberBree asks Zack, who sadly says that he doesn't know. She tells the police to take the cuffs off the kid. They point out that Zack has confessed. "This is not up for discussion," snaps KimberBree. Paul walks in at this moment, and looks pissed. There's so very much staring. Zack hesitantly reaches out and takes KimberBree's hand.