Desperate Housewives
Come In, Stranger

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Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
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Come In, Stranger

So, as you can imagine, Wisteria Lane totally freaks when everyone finds out about the intruder! So they have a Neighborhood Watch meeting to discuss their plan of action. This meeting is attended by a whole bunch of people, but not Mrs. Kravitz, which seems bizarre. I feel like Mrs. Kravitz wouldn't miss a Neighborhood Watch meeting even if she were vomiting blood. Anyway, the meeting is also attended by an Officer Thomas, who is played Steven Eckholdt, who has been on all kinds of shows, including Melrose Place. I can't quite remember who he was on Melrose Place, but I seem to recall that it was bad news for Jane. Of course, everything was bad news for stupid, stupid Jane. Officer Thomas gives the Wisteria Lane-eans all kinds of safety tips and talks about organized patrols and so on and so forth. As he does so, Susan waves cheerily at Mike, who is unresponsive. Maybe you irritated him by giving your date with him to Edie last week, Susan. Maybe he suspects you're not into him anymore. Maybe he thinks you have multiple personalities. Where is Edie, anyway? Are we not going to get any follow-up on Susan giving Edie her date with Mike last week? Hello? Anyone? Is this thing on?

So, after the meeting, Susan tells Officer Thomas that she has "some evidence" from the crime scene, and gives him the screwdriver in a plastic bag. He wonders why she didn't leave it for the cops in the first place, and she admits that they sort of laughed at her and told her it was unnecessary because nothing was stolen. "That was totally unprofessional," says Officer Thomas. Let's just call him Steven. "Thank you!" Susan chirps. She wonders if the screwdriver ought to be dusted for prints. Steven swears it will be done. In the background, Mike watches their interaction warily, but when Susan cheerfully says goodbye to Steven and walks away, Mike makes his face very impassive.

The girls help Lynette clean up after the meeting. As they clean, Pitchfork and Plantain beat each other with sofa pillows. Lynette, typically, can't control them. In other words: Lynette's life is proceeding as usual. She hollers at the kids to go to bed. They scream back that they're not tired. "Then at least go upstairs," she says. I don't know why she doesn't try my mother's old line: "that's too bad." Instead, she waves a bag of chips at the boys, getting their attention, and then throws it upstairs like they're dogs and the chips are a ball. Palaver and Pulsar run upstairs after the chips. Where are Lynette's other kids? I get that the baby is asleep -- like, all the time -- but where is the older boy? Maybe he's in the Mysterious Box of Mystery. KimberBree looks horrified at this Chips Up the Stairs ploy, but seemingly literally bites her tongue. Lynette gives her an irritated "well, la de da" face. Shut up, Lynette. Your kids are assholes.

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Desperate Housewives

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