Officer Steven pulls up to Casa Mayer, as Susan waters her lawn. "Hey, Screwdriver Girl," he calls. She strolls over, hose in hand -- and that's not a euphemism -- and he tells her that he took her Screwdriver of Evidence in for fingerprinting, and that he'll call her if he hears anything. He flirtatiously adds that he'd like to call her anyway. Susan stutters that she's not really available, because she "sorta" has a boyfriend: "It's hard to explain, even to myself." Susan? How is Mike your boyfriend? You've never even kissed him. And I think I'm delusional. Steven gets a call on his walkie-talkie and tells Susan he has to go: "Hostage situation." But he can't believe she's turning him down. And he's really disappointed. And that disappointment will probably lead to a bunch of hostages getting killed. The guilt could be thicker, but only if the hostages were also orphans. Susan giggles, and tells him that, fine, she'll go out with him. She can't let the hostages down: "Now tell me what the call really was." Steven grins. "Someone's TV was playing too loud." She smiles back. "Well, thank God for the Thin Blue Line," she laughs, as he takes off in the squad car. Yeah, I totally would have agreed to go out with him. I am a sucker for the charm. "I'll call you," he calls. And then Susan accidentally waters herself with the hose. Oh, Susan.
Gabrielle's. She races to the porch to do her yoga, but is waylaid by Carlos, who wants her to take some time to visit with his mother. Gabrielle brats that she can't stop her life just because someone has showed up for an unannounced visit. "She's family, she doesn't need an invitation," says Carlos, but Gabrielle doesn't care. She's going to do her downward facing dog on the porch just like always! Carlos stomps inside, where his mother is knitting Harry Potter a scarf. "So, mijo, I assume you didn't insist I travel two thousand miles for small talk," she says, as Gabrielle contorts her body in the background. He didn't. He admits that his marriage is circling the drain. He seems legitimately broken up by this. "I've given her everything she wants and nothing makes her happy," he says, and starts to cry. He thinks Gabrielle is having an affair. Aw, poor Carlos. So Mama Solis reacts the way any kind mother would to the tears of her child: she slaps him. "We can talk about your problems, but I'm not going to have any of that," she says. "Do you have any proof?" He just has "a feeling." Mama Solis sniffs that she had a feeling with Papa Solis "and that whore waitress," and she was right: "Always trust your feelings." Carlos wonders what he should do. "Don't do anything. I'll take care of it," she says. He thanks her, and she apologizes for hitting him. "But we're strong people and we don't cry about our problems. We find ways to fix them." At this, Carlos says nothing, but simply stares sadly at the limber Gabrielle out on the porch.