THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS SEASON
At the end of this episode, the four main Housewives will be covering up the murder of Somebody, which as we'll see actually wraps up a lot of the season's stories pretty elegantly. It's fairly flimsy with regard to next year's setup, but there's probably going to be a lot more going on there. I know Detective Chuck Vance will be joining the show, which is excellent news, and maybe Susan Lucci*? I think there's a Tuc Watkins joke to be made there, if that rumor is true, but I don't know about daytime TV at all so I can't make the joke. If there's even a joke to be made about that.
*Here's one: What if they said every year that they might give Susan Lucci a regular role, and then kept giving that role to other actresses? That's kind of a daytime TV joke. From the '90s, true, but I didn't know more about soaps back then either. It does weird me out that this show is still doing so great while the daytime soaps are dropping like drunks. Is everybody watching shows about aggressive baking now? I think that's probably it.
Susan acts totally retarded and skives off unpacking so that she can go play with her friends, pulling Mike into this bullshit infantilizing "Fine, go play with your friends" scenario that would get your ass three divorces in the face.
ENTRÉE: VAN DE KAMP
Bree: "That was so much fun going running with you."
Dreamy Detective Chuck Vance: "My crazy sick body requires a lot of cardio because I am fifty thousand years old."
Bree: "Tell me about it! I went into menopause six times just now."
Detective Chuck Vance: "Why are you putting your hand down my shorts?"
Bree: "Because I have no boundaries and don't believe in your ability to make choices."
Susan knocks on the door.
Bree: "Susan, go away. I've almost got him where I want him."
Susan: "I think you mean welcome home Susan. Please don't make me backtrack and regress to being the asshole I've always been, until this kidney made me awesome."
Bree: "I have no choice. And low expectations of everyone."
Susan: "I can actually feel my asshole nature welling up inside me."
Bree: "Ugh, this."
Bree slams the door; Susan can't understand that life didn't stop on the Lane the second she left. Undaunted, she bounds off to the next house: Her own personal Progressive Dinner of Building Resentment.