SALADS, I THINK: SCAVOS

McCluskey: "I don't know if I've told you this, but it's nice having you back on the Lane, kid."
Susan: "Thanks, Karen! That's sweet coming from crusty old you. Hey, let's talk and talk and talk about my feelings and shit."
McCluskey: "Yep, fuckin' there it is. Three seconds. My husband owes me a Pepsi."

Somebody: "Where's Renee?"
Somebody Else: "Losing her shit somewhere, I think."

Renee, busting in: "How's it hanging, losers? This is my bartender boyfriend. He's a male model. He does tricks."
Bartender: Does a hilarious model trick where he pretends to check the time.
Renee, verbatim and agog: "It's like he really needs to know what time it is!"

McCluskey's Husband Crankshaft: "I am annoying and unnecessary! I should just drop dead."

Bree: Is saved from having to tell Detective Chuck Vance what a meddling fuckup she is by him having a shit-fit on the phone and giving Gross Doreen the stupid lake house. He whirls around on her with the terrifyingly needy eyes of the recently divorced -- red flag, y'all! -- and reminds her that now technically they can fuck, so they run off to go do that. In the middle of the party. Which is coming to their house.

Alejandro: Stalking and scary and a minority on Wisteria Lane in the middle of the night unaccompanied. Only during The Festival Of Susans would this go unnoticed.

Renee: Jackassin' it up.

ALMOST PRIVATELY

Lynette: "Why did it take you two hours and an extra day to get mandarin oranges?"
Tom: "Because I was leaving your ass, clearly. But then I thought how weird it would be for you to be at the party alone and having to immediately spill the beans about me leaving you in the middle of the party. So I guess I'm not leaving you."

Lynette, and get this shit right here: "My biggest fear about marriage was that someday you'd leave me. I... Grew up in a home where people left, and I had to clean up after, and I just couldn't go through that again. And so when I didn't see your suitcase, I thought Well, here it is. My worst fear. He's gone. And then I thought, Oh, damn! Paige's car seat is in Tom's car, and I'll have to get a new one. You had just left me, and I was thinking about a car seat. It was so weird*. I kept waiting to feel devastated, but instead, I felt... I didn't know. I couldn't put a name to it. Then, when I walked in and you were back... I suddenly realized what I had been feeling the whole time you were gone. It was relief. I was relieved."