Renee has some kind of meaningless epiphany about how she didn't really just marry a bartender -- it was all about her ex getting divorced. Like anybody, including Renee, needed that little enigma nailed down.
Lynette: "I don't really care, but listen to me! Tom and I are separating."
Renee: "Of all the people on Earth, you're telling me this? Isn't that just like salting the ground of your marriage to make sure nothing will grow back?"
Lynette: "No, I'm just awful and I know rubbing my relationship issues in the face of somebody who's in love with my husband will make me feel better."
Renee: "...Annnnnd that's how Tom got his first blowjob."
I swear to God, just pull the trigger. Make Lynette have to watch Renee and Tom negotiate a marriage and all three characters will turn amazing. Think about the richness of that soil. It'll make Lynette actually sympathetic slash give her something to bitch about for once, it'll be funny to watch Stepmom Renee deal with raising not only one hundred gingers but also Tom, and you have a million awesome ways it could play out:
If Renee and Tom are the perfect couple, that's a juicy conversation that could turn Lynette human and actually be really touching. If Lynette tries to break them up, that is hilarious and plays into the Women Are Bitches thing this show loves so much. If Tom realizes he was in love with Lynette all along, that will be sad and bring the focus to Lynette and Renee's relationship, where the show keeps trying to go anyway.
Downsides: Black lady marrying a white man? Not on this show. Alfre Woodard'll lock your ass in the basement for even thinking about that. Break up a core couple? Not since Karl Meyer fucked his way up and down the entire street. Justify Lynette's bullshit even slightly? No, that would imply that angry women have reasons to be angry. Not happening. But if it did, that would rock the fucking mic. Wouldn't it?
SUSAN GIVES A SPEECH
Susan: "Susan Susan Susan, Me Me Meeee. The entire history of my life. How I'm feeling right now. How I felt this one time. How I will feel later. What's going on with my hair. I can't cook, but sometimes I can! Jokes about me! Statements about my friends that are either wildly off-base or secretly about me!"
Everybody: Gets bored.
Susan: "I'll burst into tears, if that keeps all eyes on me. I'll fuckin' do it."