GABRIELLE MARQUEZ SOLIS
Gabi heads home alone to get dessert ready, and is immediately cornered by Alejandro. It is once again seriously scary, and he says some really upsetting things, and it's just awful. She can't manage to shoot him, but thank God Carlos arrives just as things are getting triggery and bashes Alejandro's head in with a candlestick.
Gabi goes post-traumatic about how she didn't even fight back this time because it was so scary, and then before she can call the cops they realize that Alejandro didn't even have a gun. Logically, you kind of just have to plead the Fairview on what happens next, because defending yourself against rape is a thing you should do regardless of whether or not he's pretending to have a gun. But they talk about how she didn't even tell the cops she was being stalked, etc., and whatever. It gets there, in the diciest way possible, but that doesn't really detract from what went on before, or the fact that the main point is this:
The other three Housewives show up, assess the dead body, get the scoop, and then they circle the wagons in a believably quick way to save Carlos before the rest of the party -- including Bree's detective boyfriend -- shows up. Awesomely, they are coming down the street in a mob like zombies. The music does a great deal of the heavy lifting here, but it's still pretty awesome. Carlos is like, "Whatever, I killed the guy who came back to attack my wife, prison is fine," and Bree gets very tall and very beautiful and looks him right in the eye and goes, "That's not gonna happen."
THE SISTERS OF MERCY
So they fold Alejandro up and shove him in the coffee table, just like in Rope, and by the time everybody gets there everything is okay. Detective Chuck Vance notices Bree rubbing blood off the candlestick but she sparkles at him distractingly, and Mike and Chuck make friends, and Lee is sweet with Renee, and Carlos holds Bree's hand, and Gabrielle chuckles with McCluskey, and they all eat cheesecake.
Which, somehow that just seems like the most iconic thing this show has ever done. I don't know if I can really explain it, but I remember pushing really hard to cover this show when it first debuted and we weren't sure we were going to cover it, but I've always kept this sort of image in my head of this show -- before we ever even saw footage -- of them being like this sort of glamorous, hardcore... Coven? Not the right word.