THEN, IT'S TIME FOR THE SUSAN SHOW!
So much Susan for Susan to talk about! So many adventures.
Susan: "This is the best fucking day of my life!"
Renee: "My ex-husband keeps calling me. Probably for a booty call, because I am a slutty drunk."
Renee: "By all means, continue."
Susan: "So then I put on my left shoe and then I put on my right shoe and the whole time Felicia was killing Paul but then I put on my left earring and then I put on my right earring and then these are all the things that were in the box I was taking over to my old house that we live in now..."
Bree: "God, I can't believe Susan finally finished her boring story."
Renee: "To be fair, she's only had MJ and Mike to talk to. The two people on Earth less fun to talk to than her."
Bree: "You'd think constantly climbing around on Paul Young like a jungle gym would have chilled her out, but no."
Renee: "I'm just glad she didn't start talking about chicken. That is a perpetual motion machine when that happens. A carousel that never stops turning."
Bree: "Hey, will you go with me to buy clothes at this random boutique?"
Renee: "Um, are you spying on Detective Chuck Vance's wife that you should not be talking to?"
Bree: "The Rules were made to be broken!"
Renee: "No, I mean you legally and logically should not be messing with that woman. You are going to cost him a lake house, I can feel it."
Bree: "So be it! I just hope she's secretly borne him a mulatto baby I can take on my dates with me and never tell him about."
GROSS DOREEN'S GROSS BOUTIQUE
Renee: "Just kidding, these clothes look like Taylor Momsen threw up."
Bree, verbatim: "Dinner [party]? I wouldn't wear them to a drive-by shooting!"
Hilariously, Renee talks Bree into selling the lie by putting on a caveman jacket, a denim beret, a kinderwhore top, what Bree calls "beautifully ventilated" cigarette jeans, and this amazing purse shaped like a human skull. Somewhere in the makeover, she also got pigtails. Frankly, she looks amazing in a certain way, like, if you saw her out at a club you'd be like, "Check that shit out. We are about to do the best drugs we have ever done."