Bree: "Hey, will you go with me to buy clothes at this random boutique?"
Renee: "Um, are you spying on Detective Chuck Vance's wife that you should not be talking to?"
Bree: "The Rules were made to be broken!"
Renee: "No, I mean you legally and logically should not be messing with that woman. You are going to cost him a lake house, I can feel it."
Bree: "So be it! I just hope she's secretly borne him a mulatto baby I can take on my dates with me and never tell him about."
GROSS DOREEN'S GROSS BOUTIQUE
Renee: "Just kidding, these clothes look like Taylor Momsen threw up."
Bree, verbatim: "Dinner [party]? I wouldn't wear them to a drive-by shooting!"
Hilariously, Renee talks Bree into selling the lie by putting on a caveman jacket, a denim beret, a kinderwhore top, what Bree calls "beautifully ventilated" cigarette jeans, and this amazing purse shaped like a human skull. Somewhere in the makeover, she also got pigtails. Frankly, she looks amazing in a certain way, like, if you saw her out at a club you'd be like, "Check that shit out. We are about to do the best drugs we have ever done."
Fast-forward about three seconds, and Bree's managed to spill one hundred percent of the beans, and Gross Doreen has figured out that Chuck's honorably deferred skellington fetish means the whole divorce is balanced on the tip of his tumescence, so she gets grabby.
ONE LAKE HOUSE, PLEASE
As scary as Tony Plana's lurking is, once Alejandro starts talking he's ten times scarier. It retroactively makes the whole tent thing ten times more frightening when he talks, because he's just that good. (And, of course, because Eva Longoria is always that good.)
So she lures him out to this wooded area and pulls the gun and asks firstly why he is in town and secondly why isn't he dead. The answer is that he left Las Colinas on a faked death because of the stink about his creepiness, and that he's back now because he heard she went there and yelled at nuns about it and stirred it all up, and he's afraid of getting witch-hunted again. Poor dude, right?
He does that "I don't even remember what you're talking about" thing, which gives Gabrielle the opening to verbalize not only that she is no longer a defenseless doll (feel me?) but also to verbalize what happened, which is that he raped her when she was a child, specifically taking her virginity.