Desperate Housewives
Come Play Wiz Me

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Come Play Wiz Me

Remember that storyline about Gabby teaching little homely girls how to be beauty pageant contestants? The one where Gabby realized she'd found her true calling, allowing her to finally stopped caring about something other than herself, and shopping? It's totally understandable if you forgot all about it -- after all, Newly Confident and Introspective Gabby hasn't made an appearance since before the holiday break, and we've been stuck with Shallow Gabby ever since. Well, the day of the long-forgotten Snowflake Pageant has finally arrived. The judges announce the winner, and it's "Sherri Maltby," the former best friend of little Amy Whatsitwhos. Vern and Gabby, sitting out in the audience, scream and leap into the air. Gabby is wearing a iridescent turquoise dress that makes her look like a giant Sea Wee. She's also wearing a gigantic necklace with matching earrings that seem to be made out of thatches of gold-dipped kindling, which is either fabulous or completely hideous, I still can't decide.

Later, during Sherri's post-pageant photo shoot, Vern and Gabby snark about one of the other contestants, a little "blonde bitch" whom they were sure was going to win based on her patriotic talent routine (Gabby: "She practically had sparklers coming out of her ass."). Vern sweeps Sherri off to go talk to the press, reminding her to tell them that she owes everything to Beauty By Vern. Suddenly Hair Zana is there; turns out he bribed the judges so Gabby's student would win. Now can they go on a date? Gabby stomps and fumes, and Zana is all, "I love it when we banter."

Alma comes home to find Orson in her living room. He's there to inform her that the show's over. Alma reminds him of her threat to tell Bree about what he did to Monique and Mike (which we still don't know the meaning of), and he smarms that her threat "no longer has any teeth in it." He warns her that Monique's teeth could be hidden anywhere, maybe even in Alma's house, and won't the police be surprised when they find them there? Alma cockily assures him that he won't be calling the police, I guess since they're the last people he'd want sniffing around Wisteria Lane. Orson: "Well, neither will you, now!" He tells her to leave town, and she gets all weepy, sniveling that they should have tried to have another baby after the miscarriage, that way they'd still be together. Orson: "I know, that's why I stopped trying." And the "Won't You Please Care About This Mystery, Please?" fiddles strum.

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Desperate Housewives




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