Lynette is in boss Ed's office. She is wearing a weird and tight and little black dress that's covered in a pattern of white flecks that, at first glance, looks like sequins. A matching belt is also involved. Lynette plunks a fat stack of papers down on Ed's desk, and Ed asks what it is. Lynette tells him it's their company's insurance policy, and asks him if he's "ever bothered to read it." Ed: "I'm going to say no, but don't tell." Lynette informs him that their insurance covers daycare. And while I'm no HR expert, I don't think daycare is really something insurance covers. Isn't it just a benefit that a company chooses to provide or not provide? Anyway, as Lynette points out, ever since they fired half the staff, Ed and Lynette have "barely left the building," and Lynette's kids hardly recognize her. Ed concurs: he himself has a seventeen-month-old baby he hasn't "seen awake in weeks." Lynette tells him that all they need is sixteen kids to qualify for this mysterious insurance daycare program. She counts off her four kids, plus Ed's one, plus some random kids from other random employees; then, she says, "we hit the motherlode with the Mormon receptionist: she just popped out #6" (though from what I recall of New Receptionist Pat, she looks pretty post-menopausal to me, but okay). Altogether, Lynette's kid-list adds up to? Sixteen! Except that, as Ed tells her, his wife won't go for it: "Fran won't even let anyone else hold the baby." But surely, Lynette counters, Fran would love a few hours to herself? Ed: "If I hadn't cut that umbilical cord with my own two hands, I swear they would still be attached." But he tells Lynette that if she wants to talk to Fran herself, she can knock herself out. And let the meddling begin!
Gabby stomps into church and somehow does not burst into flames, even though she's wearing the same silver leather space blazer from yesterday. The same article of clothing, worn two days in a row? Gabby must really be losing it. From way across the church, she yells at Sister Mary Hotpants, "You! What the hell did you do to my husband?" SMH asks Gabby to restrain herself, reminding her that they are "in a house of God." Gabby, still yelling: "Tell me where he is!" SMH, with deliberate dimness: "Everywhere, of course." Gabby, so, so frustrated: "Not God. My husband!" And then a side door opens and out walks Carlos, carrying a box full of envelopes. He's looking suuuuper-relaxed. Gabby snaps that he was supposed to meet her at the spa, and Carlos tells her that he was just "helping Sister Mary with the mailings for the fundraiser." Apparently, the church is sending a team of do-gooders to Botswana to help with the drought. Gabby: "That's your excuse?" Ha! She reminds him about their appointment for "side-by-side water massages," which she made weeks ago. Hey, wait, how long has Carlos been out of jail? I don't think it's been more than a few days, in which case, how did Gabby know he'd be out in time for the massage appointment? Carlos admits that, while it's unfortunate that Gabby missed her massage, perhaps it isn't so terrible considering that there are "people dying in Botswana." Gabby: "There are going to be people dying in this church if you don't wipe that patronizing look of your face." Carlos drops his box and asks Gabby, "What is your problem?" Gabby turns to SMH and, with sickening sweetness, asks if the nun will excuse them for a moment. As SMH walks away, we see she has an unmistakably satisfied smile on her face.