Desperate Housewives
Coming Home

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Coming Home

Previously: Caleb got arrested, Susan wanted to get to know her long-lost dad, Gabby went to war with a nun, and Bree let George OD on pills, Jack Daniels, and crazy.

MAVO: "There were many ways to tell Bree Van de Kamp was a lady." A policeman hands Bree out of the back seat of a bright blue car, and she thanks him courteously. Hey, I think that's the triple-creamy coat she wore on the weekend of antiques and reluctant sex! MAVO: "She was courteous to those around her, she moved with elegance and grace, and she was very careful to never let others know what she was thinking." Bree walks inside George's house, which is roped off with police tape and crawling with uniformed policemen. Inside, Detective Barton thanks Bree for coming in on such short notice. Bree innocently asked if they've managed to find George. Ah, so I guess she's going to play innocent? And pretend that she didn't know that George was holed up in that hotel, even though the bellman can testify that he handed her a note from George, and that she read it? Not to mention the possibility of cameras in the hallway or elevators (according to any crime show around, footage of Bree in the hotel is almost a guarantee)? She sure does like to play fast and loose with her cards! A Barton flunky informs Bree that George actually committed suicide. MAVO: "You see, like most well-bred women, Bree had something to hide." Bree delivers a somewhat half-hearted attempt at surprise, and then very graciously thanks the two policemen for telling her in person. My god, her hair is a perfection of perky, curled-up flippery.

Bree turns to leave, but Barton tells her that there's actually more to the story. Bree nervously follows Barton a little deeper into the room, and he shows her a plastic bag full of violet- and sage-colored underthings and asks her if she recognizes them. Bree, scandalized: "Those are my...panties!" Just so you all know, the word "panties" is one of my all-time least favorite words. I don't like the way it sounds (sort of whiny), I don't like the way it breaks down (pant-tease, i.e., heavy breathing + taunting), and I don't like the kind of sexitive man who tends to use it most. Nothing about it is good. Flunky Cop tells Bree that they assume that George stole the...underwear -- in fact: "Mr. Williams had a whole roomful of unsavory items." Boy, George sure does unpack fast; didn't he just move in? I guess that, when crazy people relocate, setting up the shrine room is the very first thing they attend to. Bree asks what they mean by "unsavory." Flunky: "You don't want to know." Barton advises Bree that the Daily Tribune has actually been sniffing around the story, and while the police are trying to keep a lid on things, Bree might want to inform her family about these latest unhappy developments so that they're not blindsided.

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Desperate Housewives

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