Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
Ties and Bondage

Creepy Dave looks either creepier or completely foolish in overalls and a white T-shirt as he's mowing Mike's lawn. Katherine walks up and asks if he'd like to do hers when he's done. He explains it's the least he can do for Mike, since he's letting him crash here. She says that's really nice of him, and brave since Mike is so attached to his lawn. She loves his roses (which actually are really colorless and bland, but I guess that's sort of fitting for Katherine), so Creepy Dave offers to cut her one. She says no since Mike might freak out. Mike comes out and greets her. She says Dylan called, and wants her to move to Baltimore to help her with the baby. Mike just asks what she said, and won't offer an opinion -- though Katherine tries and tries to get him to say he wants her to stay. Creepy Dave looks on like the psychopathic stalker that he is. Mike runs inside to answer a phone call, and Katherine plucks one of his roses on her way out of the yard, telling Creepy Dave that, on second thought, Mike probably won't even notice it's gone. Well, of course not: It's colorless and bland. Yet, still a step up from Susan's selfish whining.

Bree's explaining to the boys how their house will need to be entirely re-landscaped, but she'll take care of that, of course. Orson comes down the stairs whooping it up about a grill, which he says will be there tomorrow. He explains how amazing this grill is in terms of BTUs and charbroiling power. Bree very cutely says that if he thinks he's happy, imagine the salesman who overcharged him. She goes on to say he never met a sticker price he didn't like. Alex gets defensive and tries to take his side, but Bree doesn't relent, saying there's a reason he gets a fruit basket from a car dealership. She then asks Orson to hush. Alex asks Bree to "please not do that." She feigns ignorance, and Alex says he's referring to her emasculating Orson, because it reminds him of his mom, and is what he thinks drove his dad away. Orson and Andrew try to pretend nothing's happening by talking about how cool the grill is: It makes rotisseries, and maybe even soup. Hee.

The girls are crying in Carlos's arms because they don't want him to go to work. Because, you know, they'll be left with their mom. They would rather be with their daddy than have lots of money. Gaby is not thrilled about this.

An old guy knocks on Lynette's door, and she welcomes in "Mr. Fishman." He tells her that Porter's at Stella's, driving his sister crazy. Apparently his sister, Muriel, lives in the retirement home and Porter's driving her nuts. The rules clearly state "no visiting after dark," but Porter's been there for a week. Lynette calls to tell Tom to call Bob and say they can make the hearing tomorrow. Mr. Fishman keeps on about how bad Porter is: watches TV late, steals orange juice (huh?). Parker comes down and Lynette says she'll be right back, then she leaves him there with Mr. Fishman, who asks him to make her a sandwich.

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Desperate Housewives




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