Orson comes in to the bedroom as Bree's getting ready for bed and says he's feeling randy and would like to do it. Bree says there's 15 minutes before the news, so that should fit in. Ah, the Hodge pillow talk. So hot! As they move the pillows from the bed to the bench at the foot of the bed, Bree says she can't get over Alex saying she emasculates Orson. He agrees that Alex didn't use the best manner to make his point, but he agrees with him that she's tough. He says she's tough, but it's because she has to be since she runs a business. She doesn't see herself that way. Orson says he and Andrew are used to it, and Alex will get used to it too. Then he tells her that even though it's his turn, she can be on top if she'd like. We cut away before we see what she decides.
Edie's putting the finishing touches on the "Who Didn't Susan Date?" calendar. The conclusion: Seven boyfriends in high school and college, with only 41 days single. Edie calls it a cry for help. Adulthood is only slightly better, where she had several months single after both of her marriages ended. But Edie points out that wasn't of her choosing, since they dumped her. Susan turns it around on Edie, saying she's famous for the number of men she's conquered. Edie thanks her, but Susan says it wasn't a compliment and calls her a tramp. Edie says it's true she's been with a lot of men, but she goes after them because she wants them, not because she needs them. Susan doesn't see the difference, and Edie points out Susan has holes in her heart, because she's weak. She goes to bang on the door some more as Susan looks thoughtful. Or at least as thoughtful as Susan can look.
Lynette's in the car crying into her phone to Tom, explaining that Stella won't tell where Porter is. Tom asks if she told Stella Porter could end up in jail, and she says of course. Tom tells her that she's really upset, so she should just hang up and come home. Lynette says Stella's so angry at her, she'll never tell them where Porter is. Then Tom hears her gasp as her tires squeal. He says, "Lynette?!" as we cut to commercial.
When we return, Porter and Stella are running into the hospital looking for Lynette. Stella feels bad, saying it's all her fault. The nurse says she's not finding a Lynette, and Porter asks if that means she's dead. Lynette comes out and says, "No. It means she outsmarted her mom." Lynette explains she saw two cars in an accident, and it made her think, "That could be me," so she pretended. Lynette and Tom talk Porter into court, because Bob talked to the judge, and he thinks he can get them to drop the charges. Tom and Porter walk off and Stella tells Lynette that was a rotten thing she did, since Stella thought she was dead. Lynette says she learned from the best.