Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Ties and Bondage

Gaby yells at Celia and Juanita to pick up their clothes. She counts to three, and they don't do anything at all. She threatens to call Carlos, and then she does. He's in a business meeting, though, so he can't deal with it right now. Gaby is annoying me with this. She's the one who insisted he go back to the job, even though he told her it would mean no time for the family again.

Mike and Creepy Dave show up at Bree's for Orson's barbecue. Mike says Katherine couldn't make it, and then he goes inside for a beer. Creepy Dave follows him, because he either wants to be just like Mike or he wants to kill him. It's a fine line. Inside the test kitchen, Creepy Dave asks if Katherine's not feeling well. Mike says she's not, but she also might be "miffed" with him. It's about Baltimore. Mike says he doesn't want her to go, but he doesn't want to come between her and her daughter, or grandchild. Creepy Dave says he thought this was because Mike was still hung up on Susan. Mike says no; that's over. Creepy Dave says that most guys he talks to say they only fall in love once, and spend the rest of their lives wanting that person. Mike says that's not the case here, because he's falling in love with Katherine. Creepy Dave can't believe it's that serious; he totally has to change his killing plans now that Mike's in love with a different woman. What an inconvenience!

Andrew goes to get their guests and some steak sauce. Orson says they won't need steak sauce, because these steaks are perfect. Alex, Orson, and Bree dig in, and Orson notices they're over-done. Alex says they're just "well done," so Orson asks Bree. She really couldn't say, though, because she doesn't want to upset anyone. Meaning Alex. But she smiles sweetly at him. Bree says that grilling is so manly that she wouldn't want to suggest Orson failed at it, since Alex might see that as emasculating him. Alex asks if she's going to let that go, and she says that for all she knows, saying Orson's steak tastes like charcoal might be "de-balling him." In other words: No, she's not letting that go. Orson once again pretends nothing's happening. Alex tells Bree she could make her point and still be nice, and Bree tells him that it's also nice to show gratitude and respect when someone buys you a house. Alex says he's going to have to decline the house, and gets up and storms off. Andrew walks up right then and asks Bree what's wrong. Bree: "Orson burned the steaks!"

Edie's asking how you can tell if pickles have botulism as she inspects an old home-canned jar. Then she says it doesn't matter since she shoots the stuff into her forehead. Oh goodie; a botox joke! But then Edie smells the pickles and decides she'd rather wait until Susan dies and eat her instead. Susan ignores all of this, not even cracking a smile. Susan says that maybe she does feel incomplete without a man, but she wouldn't trade places with Edie for anything because she treats men like tissues: use one, throw it away, move on to the next. Edie tells Susan she knows what men are really like because her dad had an affair when she was 16. He left her mom and her for this new woman and her 10-year-old daughter. When he came to move his stuff out, he also took Edie's horse collection. When she asked about it, he said he gave them to his new 10-year-old stepdaughter, who would enjoy them more since Edie was too old for them. Thus begins Edie's hatred of men. Susan gets all teary, and Edie's all, "Oh god. Are you crying?" Susan says she gets it, and she never should have judged Edie. She says it's not Edie's fault; she is the way she is because of her father. She hugs Edie. Edie slaps her and tells her not to psychoanalyze her. She was just explaining what jerks men are. Susan says she was just giving her a free pass for being such a slut. Then Susan pushes Edie into some boxes, which fall on her.

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Desperate Housewives

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