Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

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Evany: A- | 831 USERS: C+
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Could I Leave You?

Susan comes rolling in (she's still in a wheelchair, FYI), and asks where Ron went. Karl indicates that Ron's gone over to Mike's house. As Susan's face twists in horror, Karl does an excellent impression of someone suddenly aware of making a terrible faux pas. Crazy Susan frantically rolls herself out the front door, and then she rolls herself awkwardly down her front stairs. I might have gotten out of the chair at that point? But not crazy, crazy Susan. Across the street, Mike is handily inviting Ron to forego the "Mr. Delfino" and call him simply "Mike." A suddenly suspicious Ron asks Mike how long he's known Susan, and Mike volunteers that, actually, they used to date. Wow, Karl, nicely played! Back across the street, Susan tries to ride her wheelchair off the curb, and the jolt knocks her clear out of her chair. Ah, the slapstick stylings of the medically infirm! Ron -- who is one angry little doctor at this point -- goes steaming on over to prone Susan, yelling, "Liar!" Susan, who's just managed to struggle to her feet, grabs Ron's shirt and tells him she can explain. But he brushes past her, heading for his car, and she falls down again. Mike, who saw the exchange (which, from his point of view, looked like a shove from Ron), races over and grabs Ron, who is leaning over to try to help Susan up. Ron tries to explain to Mike that Susan's fall was an accident, but Mike didn't see it that way. The two men yell back and forth, and there's even a slight fit of fisticuffs and some awkward fighting version of The Running Man. Meanwhile, sneaky Karl is watching the whole thing through Susan's window, while gleefully eating pie! Ah, Karl, you crazy puppet master. My hat is off to you. Ron gets in his car while yelling at Susan that she's clearly still in love with Mike. Susan faintly begs Ron not to leave, but he drives off anyway. Susan rolls a sad little roll in the direction of Ron's retreating car, and then wheels back around and yells at Mike for scaring away her boyfriend, who wasn't actually hurting her, by the way. Susan wheels off, and Mike sort of stands there looking dazed. And so it goes: another street dump for Susan!

Down at the strip club, Libby is sitting in front of the stage, yelling instructions at a new stripper: "The pole is your friend. Push your boobs up against it." But the nascent stripper can't, regarding the newness of her breasts. Libby: "Well, do something, Cecile. I'm losing my wood down here." Wow. So in walks Gabby, and before you go thinking, "Oh yeah, Gabby is totally going to get up there and school these ladies some moves," don't get your hopes up. I know I did, and I'm still a little sullen about it. The stripper with the newly inserted boobs tells Gabby that her outfit is "kicking." Gabby, archly directing her reply to Libby: "I clean up well for a wetback, don't I?" Libby gives her the once-over, and then together, they go over to a table. Libby sort of half-heartedly explains that she's "not some kind of racist"; she's just looking out for her baby, and why settle for "middle-class Mexicans" when she can just as easily get "rich white folks." Gabby asks what it's going to take, and Libby looks at Gabby's diamond necklace, and then looks away, back, away, back. Gabby gets the hint and takes it off, handing it over to Libby. They do some bargaining: Gabby tells Libby that she and Carlos can expose Libby to lots of nice things, and after about three seconds, Libby says, "Okay." Gabby: "Just like that?" Pretty much! Though, as Libby points out, they probably shouldn't tell TG Sleazy about the arrangement, because then they'll have to "deal with percentages." Gabby, warmly: "I've always hated math." They shake hands, and it's one of those terribly unsatisfying lady-style handshakes, a sort of over-under half-strength bird thing (personally, I always just call a do-over when I'm subjected to one of those). Gabby goes to leave, but then she turns back. At last, she's caught on to what's going on here: "You never gave a crap that we're Mexican, did you?" Libby admits that she didn't, and that she thought that the Solises would be a tad more motivated to spread the wealth if they had a taste of rejection. Gabby: "Well, you're a lot smarter than I thought." Libby: "I'm smarter than everybody thinks." Mark those words, everybody!

Desperate Housewives

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