Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: A- | 799 USERS: C+
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Could I Leave You?

When we come back, we see dirty Deanna getting rolled into the hospital on a gurney. MAVO talks us through it: it's the very next day, and Deanna has gone in to premature labor. In fact, she's gearing up to deliver a baby that is destined to be a "incredibly attractive baby boy."

Five hours later, we feast our eyes on Deanna's "newborn" baby in the very act of emerging from betwixt Deanna's pearly gates (and yet there's zero gore and that baby's six months if he's a day, yay television).

Next, we're treated to a super-gross shot of the obstetrician clipping the rubbery and disgusting umbilical cord, like it's the grand opening of some kind of macabre mall. MAVO uses this opportunity to segue into...

...the Dr. Ron and Susan story. Apparently, at this exact same moment, in the exact same hospital, Dr. Ron is strolling into Susan's room to sever some rubbery and disgusting ties of his own. Dr. Ron makes small talk for about two seconds, then he digs right in: "Who's Mike?" Susan tries to buy some time by hemming, hawing, and crashing her wheelchair into, first, her bed, and then into the wall. The wall! Ron spells it out for her: just before surgery -- you know when, he told her he loved her -- she told him she loved "Mike." And then, Susan? The woman who should know more than anyone the cost of lying to a man about something that will almost certainly come back to haunt her? She lies to Dr. Ron! She tells him that she doesn't know anyone named Mike, which is insane, seeing as everyone knows like four different Mikes. Note to Susan: if you're going to be idiotic enough to lie, then at least make up something that sort of sounds believable. Like, "Oh, Mike's the name of the boy I lost my virginity to! How fond that memory truly is!" Or "So, I'm in love with Michael J. Fox. Who isn't?" Or, I don't know, make a "Michael Hunt" joke. Anything would have been better than "I don't even know a Mike." Then again, Dr. Ron was the one who thought it was a good idea to broach the topic of love with someone who was clearly way out of it on drugs, plus seconds away from having her body sliced open, so maybe he's getting what he deserves here. Ron: "Everyone knows a Mike." That's what I said! Without making eye contact, Susan agrees that she may have known a Mike, back in college: "We did this play together. Pippin. It wasn't very good." Which is almost funny. Susan's story trails off with some weak comment about how she was probably "just hallucinating." Since Susan clearly isn't coming clean, Ron skips to the next issue: "So, who's the guy you're married to?" Susan curses Nurse Negligence for spilling the beans, and then explains the whole insurance-fraud thing, how she was just trying to protect Ron from prosecution, et cetera. And then she pats little Ron on the knee and invites him to come over to her house for a meal with Karl, so that Ron can see that there's so nothing between her and her nominal husband. Ron looks thrown: exactly how did his dump-talk get so derailed? He asks her some final, clarifying Qs: she plans on getting a divorce just as soon as she's recovered? Susan swears "that's the plan." Then he grills her on the Mike point. Is she absitively, posolutely sure that she loves no one by the name of Mike? Susan does her patented lie-gulp and bobs her head, "Sure," like a rubber-lipped puppet. And Dr. Ron...totally buys it! They hug, and Ron tells Susan's neck that he believes her. And Susan gives a "wha-huh?!" sort of look, like even she can't believe Ron has forgiven her. Or maybe it's befuddled disappointment, like she was secretly hoping it was over? Hm.

Desperate Housewives

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